Transcript

Angus

Aye, now. That’s more like it!

Zoe

Grandad!

Angus

This is what I call proper TV!

Zoe

Grandad, could you turn it down!

Bob

Angus, can I get the remote?

Zoe

Grandad, could you turn the telly down? I’m trying to do my homework!

Angus

All the local news.

Zoe

Grandad, it’s important! Dad, can you make him turn it down?

Bob

Just a minute, Zoe, it’s the football.

Zoe

Mum, they won’t let me do my homework!

Bob

Just a minute, Zoe! Angus! Can I get the remote? The football’s on!

Ann

Zoe, just go up to your room and do it.

Angus

What?

Bob

Will you give me the remote?

Zoe

Why’s it always me that has to move? Why can’t he go up to HIS room?

Ann

Zoe, have some respect for your Grandad.

Zoe

Daft old bugger.

Ann:

Zoe, that’s enough! Go to your room NOW!

Zoe

Don’t worry! I’m going!

Ann

Are you going to let her speak to her Grandad like that?

Bob

You stop her! He’s your father!

Ann

Bob, I could do with a wee bit of cooperation around here! It’s not easy with Dad!

Bob

Angus, will you give me the bloody remote?

Angus

I’m watching this. You can have it when this programme’s over!

Bob

For God’s sake Angus, it’s Rangers Celtic! You’re, you’re just being stubborn for the sake of it!

Angus

Look here, you. It’s my house, it’s my TV, it’s my remote. As long as you stay under my roof, you’ll watch what I want to watch. And if you don’t like it you can, you can get out and pay for your own lodgings.

Bob

For Christ’s sake! Ann, do you have to do that now?

Ann

Oh, it’ll only take a minute!

Angus

Annie! I cannae hear the television!

Ann

Oh for goodness’ sake, I’m going to be two minutes, when else do I get a chance to do it?

Bob

I’ve had enough of this; I’m going to Stuart’s, all right?

Angus

Can I have a wee cup of tea? Can I?

Ann

Dad, I’ll get you one in a minute! For goodness’ sake, just let me finish this off!

Angus

But I need a wee cup of tea!

[Scene Two]

Ann

Oh. Hi Cheryl!

Cheryl

Ann! How are you?

Ann

All right. Sorry I’m so late! I thought I’d never get out!

Cheryl

Well, you’re here now! Here, have a drink!

Ann

Oh brilliant. That’s just what I need to calm down. Sorry. Cheers!

Cheryl

Cheers!

Ann

Ahh. Oh, that is better. So how’s it all going?

Cheryl

Oh me? I’m doing great. Busy at work, expanding you know, missing you, though. Oh, we had some fun, didn’t we?

Ann

Aye, we did.

Cheryl

You know, they’d give you your old job back in a shot.

Ann

Ah. It’s really lovely to hear that. I wish I could. It would be like a holiday.

Cheryl

Well, why don’t you? I mean, it sounds like just what you need.

Ann

Oh, I’m all right. It’s just, going through a bit of a bad patch at the moment – you know.

Cheryl

But seriously though, what’s stopping you?

Ann

A promise that I made to my mum.

Cheryl

Oh, pet. Your mum, she was lovely but she wouldn’t have wanted you to ruin your life.

Ann

I’m not ruining my life, Cheryl! I’m just looking after my family.

Cheryl

Hey, Ann, I am on your side! I know you promised your mum you’d look after your dad. And that’s great. But you are knackered.

Ann

I know, look I’m sorry, Cheryl. I really didn’t mean to snap at you.

Cheryl

I’m your mate, that’s what mates are for. I know it’s not easy being a carer.

Ann

I’m not a ‘carer’! It’s just Dad, Bob and Zoe. And don’t forget we do live for free in Dad’s house. That’s worth quite a lot you know.

Cheryl

So what do you do for them?

Ann

Oh, you know. The usual family stuff. Cheryl, this is really boring, can we talk about something else?

Cheryl

Will you just humour me, yeah?

Ann

You know! Cooking, cleaning, things like that. You know, my dad’s not too mobile, so just help him up and down the stairs. Washing. Dressing. Toilet.

Cheryl

Hmm, that’s an awful lot, pet.

Ann

Aye, but he’s my dad. I love him.

Cheryl

Seriously, Ann, I’d say you were a full-time carer.

Ann

A full-time wife and mother. Like a lot of other women who don’t make a big deal out of it, OK? Now can we change the subject? I came out for a good time tonight.

Cheryl

Right, you’re on. Hey, look, get a load of that fellow over there. In with a chance, I reckon.

Ann

Cheryl, will you behave yourself? I’m a respectable married woman!

Cheryl

So am I! But I’m still allowed to window shop!

Ann

Oh, you’re terrible! Now go and get me another drink!