Transcript

Presenter

(quietly) Testing, 1 2, 1, 2, 3 (cough)

Audience

(quietly) Low chatter

Presenter

Ladies and gentlemen of the press ...

Audience

(quietly mumbled chatter)

Presenter

I will shortly be introducing the new England rugby coach to you.

Audience

Better be worth it / That’s right / Mumbling – errrr / Bring it on

Presenter

Before I do, welcome to our new HQ.

Audience

VERY NICE / Lovely / D’you know how long it took me to get here? / Yeah, thanks (Laughing)

Presenter

Very glad you managed to make it here.

Audience

God / Yeah not the bloody long / OK / miracle

Presenter

We appreciate that for some of you this is out of the way.

Audience

Yeah and some! / (mumbling)

Presenter

Our apologies (cough). Finance has dictated that we relocate to here.

Audience

What a shame / (tch) / lack of finance more like / (clearing throat)

Presenter

Sorry; no more popping out in the lunch hour for a quick soundbite from the English RFU, heh heh.

Audience

(Jeering / boos / tutting)

Presenter

But to compensate we have laid on refreshments.

Audience

Yeah great / big deal / (laughing) / (sarcastic) woo hoo

Presenter

And the car parking is free.

Audience

Woo hoo / well, whoopee for that / (unenthusiastic clapping)

Presenter

The new coach will say a few words – and not too quickly.

Audience

Oh god

Presenter

If you want a transcript they will be available from me afterwards.

Audience

Can we just skip this? / GET ON WITH IT / (mumbling)

Presenter

Yeah OK, OK, you no doubt have a lot of questions to ask so please feel free to do so. One each, mind.

Audience

What? / Ha! / What? / Ha! So generous / (laughing)

Presenter

Please keep them brief and to the point.

Audience

(Laughing)

Presenter

And remember, he does have a team to pick for the game next week so please don’t keep him from his deliberations longer than is necessary.

Audience

(groaning) / Oh don’t worry / You’re keeping me here / Get on with it!

Presenter

And now ...

Audience

(fanfare noise) / (laughing)

Presenter

… we give you – the new England rugby coach.

Audience

YAY/ Woah / (unenthusiastic clapping )