Transcript

TASHA EURICH

One hot summer day in Pittsburgh, 48-year-old, Dennis Hawkins made a big decision. Today, he was finally going to rob a bank. As he planned his heist, he knew he'd need a disguise to help him flee the scene of the crime. His choice? A long blond wig, fake breasts, and brightly coloured clown pants. Obviously, right? So after Dennis Hawkins robbed a poor bank teller, the police released his colourful description. And just minutes later, they found him sitting in a car he was trying to steal, still in his glorious disguise with his face covered in red dye from a pack that exploded when he took the cash. The predictable ending to this rather bizarre story begs the question, how could Hawkins have been so delusional to think he could pull this off?

For our purposes, Dennis Hawkins lacks the most important, and yet the least examined foundation for success in today's world, self-awareness. Research shows that people who know themselves and how others see them live happier and more successful lives. At home, they build stronger relationships and raise more mature children. At school, they get better grades. At work, they're more confident, more creative, and they get more promotions. They even lead more profitable companies. But there's just one problem. Even though 95% of us think that we're self-aware, the real figure is closer to 10% to 15%. So why can't we see ourselves clearly?

I explore the answers to this question in my book insight, but let me briefly give you two reasons. First, no matter how much we try, our brains simply can't access many of our thoughts, our feelings, and our behaviours. The most dangerous part about these blind spots is that we don't even know we have them.

The second is something I call the cult of self. Regardless of our age or gender, cultural forces are conspiring to keep us more self-absorbed and less self-aware. Luckily my research shows we can overcome many of these barriers and that self-awareness is a surprisingly learnable skill. One simple, but not always easy suggestion, is simply to ask for more feedback.

Even though other people rarely volunteer such information, they usually see us far more clearly than we see ourselves. I suggest finding at least one loving critic, that is someone who wants you to succeed and is brave enough to tell you the truth. In hindsight, I offer dozens of other tips to get an edge by increasing your self-awareness in an increasingly unself-aware world.