# 1 Building rapport

Figure 1

Listen to the following audio to hear about the essential role that building rapport has within coaching.

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Building rapport
Transcript

The quality of the relationship between coach and coachee is fundamental to the success of the coaching. Various studies into the effectiveness of different psychotherapeutic approaches has revealed that it was in fact the quality of rapport which was the key indicator of success – not the approach itself. Where the relationship was strong the prognosis for success was high. Similarly, it is often noted that where the patient feels listened to and respected by their doctor it has a positive impact on their recovery chances.

Rapport is a key building block to a productive change process and is essentially a feeling of mutual connection, characterised by feelings of recognition and respect. It is not necessarily about mutual liking; it is more about seeing and being seen, listening and being listened to, and having mutual confidence in the relationship.

It is the responsibility of the coach to ensure they do all they can to create rapport. The coach manages the process – the dynamics, structure and energy of the coaching – in order that the coachee is left free to do their thinking in a productive and conducive environment. Rapport is a key part of this process.

We can all create rapport with those we instinctively respond to positively: usually with those people who are ‘a bit like us’. The challenge in performance coaching is to be able to create rapport with a wide range of people. How do we do this? How is it that some people seem to have the gift of creating rapport with virtually anyone − think Michael Palin on his travel programmes? Whereas others of us seem diffident and uncomfortable in relationship building, especially with those we might meet for the first time? It is not magic − rapport has a structure.

Essentially our quality of rapport is hugely dependent on first impressions. Think about entering a room on a social occasion or some kind of ‘networking’ business event. What do we do? Mostly unconsciously we search around the room making judgements! We might not like to admit this intellectually, but at an unconscious level we look to see who looks safe or possibly threatening, or who might be attractive or otherwise, or who might be ‘like us’ in some way. We then gravitate only towards the people who pass our unconscious selection test, avoiding the others. This is indeed human nature and it is hard-wired. Think about job interviews – it is well known that decisions tend to get made very early on in the interview process – often within seconds, based on very subjective ‘gut feeling’.

In our coaching role it is our job to create a first impression for our coachees that allows them to feel comfortable and reassured right from the first moments – especially if they do not know us very well. Coachees may feel a little anxious about the coaching and will certainly be in a state of high attention coming in to a session. Our job is to send signals through our body language and voice tone that say, at an unspoken level: ‘It is OK – you are safe, recognised and welcome!’

We do this by:

- paying close attention to our coachee with our eyes and ears – really ‘tuning in’ to them from the moment we meet them for coaching
- adjusting our body language and voice tone so it tunes in with theirs. There are lots of things we can do here, e.g. matching posture, facial expression or gestures. We might also adjust our pace and energy, perhaps speeding ourselves up a bit if we have a fast-paced coachee or slowing down a bit if our client is slower-paced than us. Vocally we can watch out for levels of volume, pace and tone, and ensure our own voice ‘tunes in’ with theirs.

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