3.1 How to summarise and reflect
Activities 4 and 5 provide some practical exercises in summarising and reflecting.
Activity 4 Bad listening
Timing: Allow around 15 minutes for this activity.
Watch Video 3.
Download this video clip.Video player: Video 3 Bad listening and summary
Transcript: Video 3 Bad listening and summary
NARRATOR
In this example about summarising, you'll hear the coach referring to their own agenda and experience, offering advice, and offering interpretation of what the client says.
CLIENT
So as we previously discussed, I'm at a crossroads now in my career. And I can go in one of two directions. I could stick to what I'm doing now-- the project management. Or I could do something different, which is to start managing people more and perhaps get to the point where I have my own team, which, I think, sounds like something I might be interested in actually.
COACH
It's tough, though, isn't it, being at a crossroads. I mean, I remember myself when I was at a career crossroads. This is probably 20 years ago now. But it really took me ages to work out what I was going to do.
And I thought about things like, am I going to go down the people management route, or just the project management route? And in the end, I made a really clear decision, actually, that I was going to go down the project management route.
CLIENT
Right. Did you?
COACH
I did, yeah. Yeah.
CLIENT
Oh, OK. Yeah, it is a bit confusing, thinking-- because I know what I'm doing now, and I'm familiar with it and I'm good at that. Is it worth running the risk of taking on something really challenging, which, in the long run, could end up being good.
COACH
So it sounds to me as if you're a little bit lost and confused here. That's what I'm getting from you.
CLIENT
Right. Really?
COACH
Or is this something which is a pattern in your life?
CLIENT
I hadn't thought of that before.
COACH
Well, I'm definitely getting a sensation of you being a bit blocked here and a bit lost. That's how it's coming across to me.
CLIENT
Oh. Oh, gosh. OK.
COACH
So I think you need to get a bit clearer in your thinking actually.
CLIENT
Right. I need to get clearer.
COACH
Mm-hm.
CLIENT
I thought I was getting quite clear. I was--
COACH
But you're talking about going the people management route.
CLIENT
And perhaps that's not such a good idea for me.
COACH
Personally, I don't think that's a great idea.
CLIENT
Right.
COACH
I mean, people are very difficult to manage.
CLIENT
I guess I don't really have the qualifications either.
COACH
Well, that's right. So it sounds like you might be deluding yourself, actually, a little bit.
CLIENT
Yeah, it's a bit of a dilemma to be honest. I do find myself a bit worried about making the wrong choice.
COACH
Yeah, so lost, worried, confused, this isn't sounding like you're in a good head space, is it really?
CLIENT
Right. Perhaps not.
COACH
So I've got a few ideas anyway as to how you can sort this through.
CLIENT
OK. What do you think I should do?
COACH
Well, I think it's about getting really focused thinking to begin with. And if you take my advice, you would really abandon the people management route. I'm not sure it's suited for you.
CLIENT
OK.
COACH
That's what I think.
CLIENT
Right.
Video 3 Bad listening and summary
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Make a note of some of the things that the coach doesn’t do well.
Interactive feature not available in single page view (see it in standard view).
Activity 5 Good listening
Timing: Allow around 15 minutes for this activity.
Watch Video 4.
Download this video clip.Video player: Video 4 Good listening
Transcript: Video 4 Good listening
NARRATOR
Here's an example of good summarising practise. In this example, you'll hear the coach using the same language and terminology as the client. And you'll also hear the coach keeping firmly to the client's agenda.
CLIENT
So as we discussed previously, I'm at a career crossroads now, and I really need to think about what direction to go in. I can stay where I am now and just progress in that area of project management. Or I can start to do something quite different, actually, which is to lead the people of a team and eventually have my own team, which is something that I find myself being more interested in lately.
COACH
So it sounds like you've done quite a bit of thinking on this and you've got a bit of clarity about the options. And it sounds at this stage as if you're beginning to favour the people management option.
CLIENT
I think I am. I do favour that. And I find it exciting, the thought of a new challenge. I do know, though, that I don't have the requisite qualifications. And also, I am a bit worried that my manager might think that-- I don't know-- I've got delusions of grandeur or something by thinking I can have my own team already.
COACH
So if I can just check my understanding of that. It sounds on the one hand you have that excitement and that you're relishing a bit of challenge.
CLIENT
Yes.
COACH
But I think I also heard, maybe, an assumption that you might be making that says something like, maybe I'm not sufficiently qualified at this stage.
CLIENT
hat's right. Yes. Yes. I think you're right. Am I being too ambitious? Will my manager think that I am-- I don't know-- deluding myself that I'm capable of this? I do think that I am good with people, though. And I have managed projects with people on them. And I have enjoyed it. And I have had good feedback.
COACH
So you're questioning yourself a bit about this, by the sound of it. And you're also concerned a little about what your manager in particular might be thinking about you.
CLIENT
Yes.
COACH
But I keep hearing your enthusiasm. In fact, I can hear it in your voice, actually. I can hear your enthusiasm for people, for managing people.
CLIENT
In my heart, I know that that is what I want to do.
COACH
In your heart.
CLIENT
Yes, I do want to do that. And I've been thinking about it for some time, and I've kept putting it off. But it's interesting you say that I look enthusiastic, because I do genuinely feel very keen to do that.
COACH
Yes, your voice had more energy, and your face had more animation when you were talking about it. It came through.
CLIENT
Yes. I just need to figure out what the next steps are, really, and to feel more confident that it's not a silly thing to pursue.
COACH
OK. So bottom line here, in terms of what we seem to be talking about, is being confident you're making the right decision for yourself and then thinking through what the plan is to go there.
CLIENT
Absolutely. That is what I need to do and not to worry so much about what other people think about that decision.
COACH
OK. So as part of our conversation, I guess, is about thinking about how you can be confident and not worry about what other people think.
CLIENT
I think that's exactly it.
COACH
OK.
CLIENT
Mm.
Video 4 Good listening
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Make a note of some of the things that the coach does well in listening and summarising.
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Feedback
As you may have observed in this video, reflection is a useful variation on summary. When we reflect we simply offer back key words or phrases that seem significant or on which the coachee has placed particular emphasis. This can often provide a little bit of gentle challenge too, and give the opportunity for the coachee to reflect on what they have said and perhaps reconsider. For example:
Coachee: ‘Wow, this project has been an utter disaster!’
Coach: ‘Utter disaster?’
Coachee: ‘Well, not a disaster as such but there have been a couple of real failings in the process we need to fix.’
Or:
Coachee: ‘I never seem to get any recognition in this place!’
Coach: ‘Never?’
Coachee: ‘Well, never from the team leader anyway!’
The key skill in reflecting is to use the language of the coachee and not to change it or re-interpret it yourself.