Learning Session 2: Why is it important to talk about pleasure?

Introduction

Figure 2.1 A CSE session

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This photograph shows a classroom of young boys and girls at a CSE session. They are smiling and consulting books.

Figure 2.1 A CSE session

In the first learning session, you learnt about the different ways we talk about sex, and in particular, the difference between risk-based and positive approaches to discussing sex.

But why is it important to talk about sexual pleasure with young people? What are the benefits of taking a positive approach? And, if we don’t talk to young people about sexual pleasure, where else can they go to learn about it? We cover all these questions and at the end of this session you should:

• understand the benefits of including sexual pleasure as part of Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE)
• recognise that sexual pleasure is a fundamental aspect of all people’s quality of life/health and well-being
• have considered the many different messages about sexual pleasure that young people encounter in their day-to-day lives.

2.1 Where do people hear about sexual pleasure?

As adults it’s often hard for us to remember where we first got the idea that sex might be about more than just having babies – that it can also be fun! Thinking back on our own experience can help us think about the different ways young people learn about sexual pleasure.

Activity 2.1: Can you remember where you first learnt about sexual pleasure?

Timing: Allow about 10 minutes to do this activity

Take a few minutes to answer the question in the text box below .

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Discussion

Here are a few real-life examples from others who responded to this question. Think about how your answers compare to these examples .

Figure 2.2 A few real-life responses

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Image depicts a collection of nine speech bubbles of different people saying when they first found out that sex was pleasurable. Speech bubble 1 says ‘The first time I masturbated, I was 12’, speech bubble 2 says ‘overhearing my parents having sex’, speech bubble 3 says ‘I first learnt from the internet, and one of the boyfriends I had that told me about it’, speech bubble 4 says ‘Reading between the lines of fiction books in the adult part of the library’, speech bubble 5 says ‘From the media, primarily from movies’, speech bubble 6 says ‘Reading “pocketbooks” on sex’ speech bubble 7 says ‘Teenage magazines’, speech bubble 8 says ‘I learnt from my peers’, speech bubble 9 says ‘Self-exploration’.

Figure 2.2 A few real-life responses

There are many places young people learn about sex: from parents, at school/college, by discussing it with friends, and from the media, etc. It’s really important that young people understand that sex can and should be pleasurable, but often the messages they receive are not backed up by practical information and do not offer support or discussion.

In more formal settings (such as at school/college, or at home with parents) the messages are not wholly positive, and may be mixed, causing young people to feel confused or even stigmatised when discussing the subject of sexual pleasure. Even sexuality education classes may make some young people feel shy about opening up about their questions and experiences around sex.

And, if the subject is covered in a biology class, the focus on the anatomical, physical aspects of sex often fails to address the reality of young people’s actual sexual experiences.

We need to create safe spaces to discuss things like relationships, romance, lust, flirtation and consent, making sure the information we give is direct, clear and accurate.

2.2 Risk-based versus positive refresh

Here’s a chance to refresh your memory about the risk-based versus positive approaches to sexuality education we looked at in Learning session 1.

2.3 The sexual pleasure time machine

We’re now going to jump backwards and then forwards in time to imagine what might happen to people if they don’t get an opportunity to talk about sexual pleasure as part of their sexuality education.

What can happen if we only learn about the biological aspects of sexuality and reproduction?

These three case studies help us think about what we leave out when we present sex only as something to avoid until we want to have babies. Without acknowledging that sex can and should be a pleasurable act, not just a pregnancy or STI risk, we ignore:

• our deeper understanding of communication and consent: knowing what we do and don’t like and feeling empowered enough to communicate this.

• those who may be in same-sex relationships who often feel excluded from sexuality education, which prioritises sex as a means for having babies.
• conversations about gender and power and links to coercive relationships. If someone doesn’t know what a positive, pleasurable sexual relationship looks like, it might be difficult for them to recognise abusive behaviour.
• linking pleasure to condoms and contraception: understanding that there are ways to share pleasure that have lower risk than vaginal or anal intercourse and that condom use can be sexy! Feeling protected during sex may improve people’s enjoyment and ability to relax.
• real-world messages that young people get about sex which may contradict what they are being told by parents or in school.

2.4 Sexual pleasure and disability

Around 15% of the world's population lives with some form of disability. This might be a physical disability, or one which affects someone’s mental health/learning ability. Not all disabilities are visible. Often, people with disabilities find that their sexuality is ignored, neglected or stigmatised by society.

Figure 2.6 Understanding sexuality and disability

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This is a line drawing of a woman with her right hand raised as if she is using sign language. The woman is saying (in a speech bubble): ‘my deafness does not prevent me from having sexual feelings, just as wearing glasses does not prevent you from being thirsty or hungry.’

Figure 2.6 Understanding sexuality and disability

You are now going to watch a documentary about women in India living with disabilities which shows why it’s important to include pleasure in CSE. It’s a really great video, and you could watch it all the way through if you have time, but for the purposes of this activity we’re going to focus on two clips.

2.5 What does the media tell us about sex?

Figure 2.9 Talking to young men about condoms

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This is a photograph depicting a male educator with a class of teenage boys. The educator is demonstrating how to put a condom onto a model of an erect penis.

Figure 2.9 Talking to young men about condoms

As an educator it can be useful to keep an eye on the kinds of media that young people in your community may be seeing. Talking about different media is often a good way of including discussion about sexual pleasure in your work with young people. Keeping up to date with the media is also essential for helping young people to navigate the often confusing messages they are receiving about their sexual desire, rights and health.

We are bombarded with messages about gender roles and sexuality, sometimes without even realising it. In order to help young people understand the messages they receive from the media today, it’s important that you have a good understanding of what the media is saying about what’s ‘normal’ or ‘expected’.

Activity 2.5: What does the media tell us about sex?

Timing: Allow about 10 minutes to do this activity

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Figure 2.10 An advertisement for perfume

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This image is an advertisement for a brand of perfume. It is a black and white close up of two faces. It is very erotic and the two people are very beautiful and clearly aroused. Both have their mouths open. The man’s eyes are closed. The woman is looking straight at the camera and her finger is in the man’s mouth.

Figure 2.10 An advertisement for perfume

Discussion

This is a useful way to start to think about how we can create relatable education programmes which help young people better understand the messages they are receiving about sexuality, and that support them to challenge ‘norms’ and stereotypes around gender and sexuality which may not be realistic.