5. Conclusion

Therapist stance and reflection

• Practitioners need to take a neutral/impartial stance and avoid siding with or showing favouritism towards either partner.

• Based on a non-judgemental stance, practitioners should employ non-critical and non-blaming language.

• Practitioners need to be aware of and reflect on their own values and experiences related to infidelity and how these might impact on their work with clients.

Creating a safe environment for clients

• Using a neutral and non-judgmental stance, practitioners need to create a safe environment in the sessions in order to allow client(s) to share and explore painful emotions.

• In couple counselling, in collaboration with the clients, they should establish ground rules for the sessions and encourage respectful listening and non-blaming exchanges between the clients.

• For risk assessment, practitioners should explore for suicidal and/or violent/homicidal ideation potentially caused by high-running emotions (especially feelings of deep hurt).

• In working with couples, practitioners need to clarify goals and therapy motivations of all involved relationship partners: are they committed to save/rebuild the relationship? Do they want to work towards a constructive separation? Are there differences in the goals and motivations of the relationship partners?

• Practitioners need to clarify whether the affair has ended or is still ongoing. If it is still ongoing practitioners need to decide if they can work with the relationship partners under these circumstances.

Balancing different needs

• Practitioners need to establish a supportive alliance that is well balanced between all partners and their needs.

• They should help relationship partners to avoid impulsive decisions about their future in the immediate aftermath of the infidelity disclosure (and the emotional turmoil/crisis caused by it).

• Practitioners need to balance the different needs of the relationship partners (both active and at the receiving end of infidelity) in the early stages of the therapy process (venting shock/anger and need for more information about infidelity vs. desire to move on). Confirming the validity of the distress felt by the partner at the receiving end should be part of this process.

• All relationship partners should be encouraged to explore the relationship context together. The infidelity-engaged partner should be encouraged to take responsibility for the infidelity activities.

Working on relationship issues

• Practitioners should assess context and type of infidelity (e.g. meaning of infidelity in the relationship context) as this informs later stages of the treatment process.

• Practitioners should reflect and evaluate the impact of cultural factors, in particular gender role/expectations, on the relationship and the infidelity.

• Practitioners should explore relevant issues in individual, relationship, family of origin and social context level that are related to the infidelity and its meaning.

• Practitioners need to consider the specific aspects/factors at play for infidelity in an online/internet context.

• Practitioners should help relationship partners to understand and locate infidelity in the wider context of the relationship history (e.g. infidelity as transitional crisis). This involves exploring the meaning the infidelity has for the relationship partners and how they can integrate it into the broader geography of their life.

Rebuilding trust

• Practitioners should encourage client(s) to communicate and (re-)negotiate ground rules and relationship boundaries with their relationship partners.

• Practitioners can introduce trust-building actions and activities, if appropriate.

• Practitioners may encourage relationship-enhancing goals and discuss issues around forgiveness and reconciliation with the relationship partners, if appropriate.