This week considers the experiences and challenges of family life when one or more family members is autistic. The discussion starts with autistic children, considering initial experiences within the family, as well as the changes that occur as children grow and develop. The focus then moves to support for families and options for education. However, as you will see, access to these options is not evenly distributed across all families and groups. And beyond countries such as the UK, especially in low and middle income countries (LMICs), families may struggle to get any support or education for their child.
Now watch the video in which Dr Ilona Roth introduces this week’s work.

By the end of this week you should be able to:
appreciate different ways in which family life may be affected when one or more family members is autistic
understand how challenges for the family and for the individual with autism change over the course of development
be aware of some of the sources of support available to families in the UK
appreciate the psychological, academic and social challenges posed by education, and the main choices available in terms of schooling
understand the rationale for different educational choices, including home education.
All members of a family are likely to be affected when a child receives a diagnosis of an autism spectrum condition. Of course, families may have concerns even before diagnosis, and may have developed ways of coping with a child whose behaviour does not fit typical expectations. On diagnosis, close family members are typically affected the most, because they engage with their autistic family member on a daily basis.
Parents may experience a range of emotions, including initial grief that the child is not neurotypical, but perspectives change. You may recall the video clip from Week 3: after the shock and grief of discovering that his son Zack was autistic, Mark realised that Zack was just the same person as he had been before diagnosis. Another parent describes her primary feeling as relief. Her son Louis was finally diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, ADHD and learning difficulties at the age of 6, after years in which Melanie had struggled to have her concerns taken seriously:
My feelings were of total relief … after years of being told he was perfectly normal and behavioural management tactics would solve it. He was described as a 'whirling dervish' by the local paediatrician! Impossible to control his behaviour in any way. Diagnosis meant I could get a Statement at school. Phew! But I had to fight for it.
Siblings may also experience a variety of feelings, including resentment, embarrassment and guilt. However, research shows that siblings also come to see autism in the family as ‘normal’, developing close relationships with their autistic sibling(s) (Preece, 2014).
Members of the wider family such as grandparents may be a source of support, but also conflict (Hillman, 2007). For instance, they may have difficulty accepting the diagnosis, insisting that their grandchild will grow out of their difficulties. Some grandparents may even believe that the parents are responsible for their child’s ‘difficult’ behaviour. In Melanie’s case, her father’s attitudes to Louis evolved from traditional ideas about ‘dealing with bad behaviour’ to providing support:
Grandpa (my Dad and the only grandparent on my side) took a while to understand that a good hiding wasn't going to work and finally rose to the challenge – [he was] enormously supportive to me. Most others in the family accepted it well. At last! An explanation!
Parents are likely to experience substantial stress. For instance, they may have to manage difficult behaviour, such as their child’s anger outbursts, self-injury or insistence on wearing the same clothes every day. Sometimes the desperation to find immediate solutions for young children’s behaviour may not have the best long-term consequences, as Charlotte Moore, mother of George and Sam, freely admits:
To start with the basics – food. It’s taken 20 years to get George and Sam to eat anything like a normal diet. Most autists get stuck on a tiny range of trusted foods – I wish I’d kept all junk at bay, so that the boys would have had to obsess over, say, chicken, brown rice and carrots rather than chocolate and HP sauce (George) or crisps and icing (Sam). I used ‘treat’ food to help them cope with stressful situations, such as travelling or going to a party. Once they knew such treats existed they held out for them. Now, I would avoid such situations.
The challenges faced by families vary depending on the age of the autistic child and their cognitive skills, such as whether they use spoken language. A child who has difficulty communicating may appear angry towards others or seek isolation, when the underlying problem is
Some children are hyperactive and impulsive. Other family members may have to adapt to not having spontaneous activities because of the autistic person’s need for structure and sameness.
We started to avoid group activities as G couldn’t join in, not understanding how to engage and interact. Swimming, music, even group speech therapy became inaccessible. I will never forget the speech therapist leading the group, taking me to one side and gently suggesting that G wasn’t benefitting and was disruptive to the group. I left the room and we went to feed the ducks, which ended up with him eating bread and me sobbing through my sense of abandonment, hopelessness and isolation.
Lack of sleep is also a significant issue. Children with autism often have disrupted sleep patterns, and inevitably this affects parents too. Jacqui Jackson is a single parent of seven sons and daughters, several of whom are on the autism spectrum. In 2006, when her family was still very young, Jacqui commented that she often went for several nights without sleep, and only took cat-naps on other nights. She was trying to write her PhD thesis at the time.
Physically it does take its toll … It gets you down and it affects how you work.
Given the strong genetic influences in autism, it is not unusual to find families like Charlotte Moore’s or Jacqui Jackson’s, where more than one offspring has an ASC diagnosis. These are known as
Sometimes, when a child is being diagnosed, a parent, or even a grandparent, realises that they too are ‘on the spectrum’. You may recall from Week 3 that John Peters received a diagnosis at the same time as his grandsons were being assessed, which helped him to find an explanation for the problems he had struggled with all his life.
Knowing that there is more than one person with autism can make family life less difficult, as the whole family can more easily adjust to living in an ‘autism-friendly’ way. Jacqui Jackson comments on the loyalty that her three teenage daughters show to her sons:
The boys are their yardstick. If someone can't accept them, then that person's not worth bothering with. Rachel had a boyfriend who called them ‘spackers’ and she dumped him pretty quick. The lad she’s seeing at the moment loves Ben, in fact they fall out over him: ‘You come to see Ben, not me!’
Adolescence often presents new challenges for young people with autism and their families. Hormonal changes can be difficult for any teenager, but especially so for the young person with autism, who may struggle to understand their changing body and emotions. They may have difficulties understanding their own sexual feelings, and misunderstand social norms concerning the development of friendships and romantic relationships. Neurotypical teenagers can be quite ‘cliqueish’, excluding anyone who doesn’t conform to their way of doing things. Consequently, this is a life-stage when experiences of rejection, isolation or bullying are likely to be particularly prevalent, and is possibly why young autistic people are especially prone to mental health problems such as depression and anxiety (Picci and Scherf, 2014).
Picci and Scherf argue that the problems facing the autistic adolescent concern more than the challenges of social relationships. They suggest that around 30 per cent of autistic adolescents show an overall deterioration in their level of functioning in adolescence, and attribute this to a ‘second hit’ of difficulties affecting the brain and cognitive processes, accentuating weak central coherence and executive function problems (see Week 4). One consequence is that young people with autism often have difficulty with autonomy – that is, making decisions and performing everyday tasks. Despite these challenges, Claire Bachman, an American student with Asperger syndrome, is living independently from her parents and attending college:
As I transition to adulthood, I find it particularly challenging to do things such as daily chores on my own. I struggle to remember to take care of myself by bathing, brushing my teeth and the like. I was so used to my parents either doing things for me or reminding me to do them. Getting myself prepared for the day, looking for what to wear to school or to meetings, activities or events has been challenging. I am often not sure which outfit is appropriate, professional or acceptable.
A lack of autonomy is especially prevalent in autism compared with other developmental conditions such as Down syndrome (Esbensen et al., 2010). While more profoundly affected adults may gain a residential placement, many autistic adults continue to live with their parents.
Since adult-focused services are very sparsely available, parents and/or other family members typically find themselves with multiple responsibilities, ranging from everyday care to negotiating benefits and seeking employment opportunities for their autistic family member. Even the most able autistic adult is likely to struggle with tasks such as form-filling. A family will need to deal with such administrative tasks, as well as acting as advocate in relation to officialdom. Parents may find themselves torn between caring for their own ageing parents and their adult child. As time passes, parents themselves are likely to become less able to care. This may then impact on siblings, who by this time may have children of their own.
You will learn more about the situation of autistic adults in Week 7.
Families with one or more autistic members have often been noted as developing
Life has never been the same since Matthew made his appearance in 2000. Everyday activities that people take for granted, are a challenge in my house …
Despite the pressure put onto us as a family, this has now become a way of life and we know no different. We feel that ignorance lies with other people and until they re-educate themselves into accepting diversity then life for us will remain quite a challenge! Life with Matthew is wonderful and marvellous!
In the UK, support from the NHS and social services tends to focus on diagnosis and the needs of the autistic child, rather than on the family as a whole. The sparse family support that is available tends to be for parents, such as respite breaks for those with a severely affected child.
However, there are many volunteer-run support groups, some of them provided by people who themselves have an autistic child or adult in the family. Additionally, there are groups on social media and email/online bulletin boards that people can subscribe to.
The National Autistic Society (NAS) has assembled a directory of support services for families with an autistic member. It includes a wide range of service providers as well as services offered by the NAS itself, two of which are outlined below.
Besides the many services that the NAS offers to autistic people, it also offers some excellent services for parents and families. Parents of younger children (up to age 8) may be able to access an
EarlyBird is a three-month programme that provides group training sessions for parents with individual home visits. Video feedback is used to help parents apply what they learn as they work with their child in the familiar home setting.

EarlyBird programmes are run by trained and licensed professionals with the aim of:
EarlyBird Plus is an enhanced form of the service that invites a professional who works with the child (such as a teacher at school) to attend the sessions, so that the child receives consistent support.
Evaluations of both EarlyBird and EarlyBird Plus programmes are positive (Stevens and Shields, 2013). Parents who have participated show reduced stress, more positive perceptions of their children and enhanced communication with them.
The two EarlyBird services are here:
‘I cannot thank the volunteer I spoke to enough. For the first time as a parent I felt understood. I have felt so isolated for such a long time’.
The NAS also offers a telephone service for parents seeking advice, support or just someone to share things with. The
http://www.autism.org.uk/ services/ helplines/ parent-to-parent.aspx
A big problem for many parents is finding out what support is available and how to access it. With so much information available online, this might seem surprising. But not everyone has the time, money or skills to seek the help that they need, and there is also the difficulty of deciding which of the many services offered are reputable and risk-free. These difficulties may be particularly salient in ethnic minority communities, accentuated by cultural reservations about using the forms of support that are offered, as Dr Prithvi Perepa explains in these video clips:

Yet Prithvi also emphasises that different cultural attitudes to autism may help ethnic families to view autism positively and to seek the support they need within their own community:

Decisions about nursery and school often pose huge challenges for autistic children and their families. Ensuring that an autistic child is in the right environment is further complicated by the fact that a substantial number of children arrive at school with no diagnosis – their difficulties are first picked up by a teacher. Asperger syndrome or high-functioning autism may only become apparent in the teenage years.
Even if the diagnosis is known, teachers with more able autistic pupils in their class may not be able to reconcile their academic abilities with their communication difficulties and the difficulties experienced in navigating the social world. As Luke Beardon stated:
The fact that I am well-spoken, and my condition isn’t obvious worked against me being understood, when my behaviour may have been put down to obstinacy, deviancy, pure eccentricity, or by school peers as being ‘mental’.
Drawing on your knowledge of autism characteristics outlined in Week 2 and the psychological theories outlined in Week 4, use the space below to note down issues that an autistic child might have in a mainstream school setting. Base your notes on a child who has language skills and is academically able.
Even a child with good language and academic skills is likely to encounter challenges. The main areas of challenge are likely to include:
More detail of these challenges is given in the following section.
Now find out more about the challenges explored in the previous activity.
Classrooms in the western world are typically busy, colourful and information-rich, all of which may overload the senses of an autistic child. Bright colours, patterns, bright lighting, movement and the chatter of other pupils may distract or confuse them, as can examples of work displayed around the room.
Relating this also to the psychological theories encountered in Week 4, a child’s excessive attention to detail may mean that they are not clear what needs their focus and attention.
An autistic child may have an especially uneven profile of academic strengths and weaknesses, coupled with a strong preference for particular areas of interest. Getting any child to engage with areas of the curriculum that they don’t like can be difficult, but in the case of an autistic child, it may be necessary to adapt the curriculum. Executive function issues may affect many areas of school life: getting ready for school, organising the materials needed for a lesson, knowing how to start a task and determining when it is finished, and navigating around the school from one classroom to another. A planner detailing the order of activities during the day may be helpful.
Theory of mind difficulties may make more abstract areas of the curriculum, such as reading or creative writing, a particular challenge to the autistic student. For instance, a child may have difficulty imagining the emotions or actions of the characters. The empathising-systemising model (Week 4) suggests that autistic children are likely to be drawn to systematic subjects like science and mathematics, although this is undoubtedly an oversimplification. Some autistic children particularly enjoy creative subjects such as drama and music, where emotional understanding and expression is called for.
Theory of mind difficulties may also mean that the autistic pupil may not understand instructions or takes them literally, leading to accusations of being cheeky or disobedient. For instance, an instruction phrased as ‘Would you like to turn to page 20’ may not be followed, because the pupil doesn’t realise this is a command rather than a question with optional answers (‘Yes, I would like to’, or ‘No, I would not like to’).
Parts of instructions or group discussions may be missed due to slower processing of verbal information. Even more able autistic students benefit from verbal communication being supplemented by written or pictorial information.
Finally, the 21st century curriculum also includes areas such as physical, emotional and sexual health, and understanding relationships. These may need to be presented in a more concrete and explicit way so that the implications and consequences are clear to the autistic young person.
Unstructured periods such as breaks and mealtimes may be dreaded by the autistic student, because their lack of social awareness and social motivation distances them from the games and conversations of the other pupils. They find it difficult to join in because of all the ‘unspoken’ rules and the (seemingly to them) invisible processes by which others communicate.
It is also common for autistic students to be teased by other children, either due to their ‘weird’ behaviour, the way they speak or because social naivety causes them to misunderstand something. This teasing can very easily escalate into overt and covert bullying, involving name-calling, physical violence or social isolation. Another way that bullying can manifest is by manipulation, when an autistic pupil is coerced by another pupil into breaking a rule or hurting someone.
Surveys suggest that at least 40 per cent of autistic children have experienced bullying, and studies have shown that significantly more are bullied than are children with other special educational needs or neurotypical children (Humphrey and Symes, 2010). As David Hawker notes:
They called me the ‘sixth form punch bag’ as I was probably about the only kid who got bullied in sixth form (A-levels).
Bullying can result in low self-esteem, mental health problems and poor academic performance. Melanie said that her son Louis left mainstream school at 16 because of the bullying and could not face further education. However, some young people find the resilience to cope with bullying and emerge stronger as a result. Alex talked about his experiences of bullying in Week 2. Here he maintains that his experience of mainstream school was positive, despite what happened to him.

One of the greatest challenges that parents face is to secure appropriate support and the right context for their child’s education. In countries such as the UK and the US, a framework is in place for this. But parents’ experience of negotiating the framework is not always positive and the range of educational choices varies widely from one place and community to another. Parents may also find that the choice they have made – for instance, for their child to go to a mainstream school – does not work out, leading them to change their child’s schooling arrangements.
To ensure that an autistic child has appropriate support for their education, it is important that their needs are fully understood and documented at the outset. This may require, in England, an
Louis’s 11K was put in the pool to provide teaching assistants (TAs) generally. As a result he got no one-to-one support.
Another problem is that not all autistic children will receive a plan or statement, as their needs are not considered severe enough. In these cases, parents may find themselves trying to persuade the mainstream school that support is necessary:
In the case of my daughter, who was aged 13 at the point of diagnosis, she was discharged from CAMHS* after we received the report as if the job was done. It was left to us to liaise with her school about what this meant and what adjustments, if any, were appropriate. Autism was an explanation for behaviour deemed to be ‘socially inappropriate’ and for insecurities in coping with change, anger management, sensory issues and the otherworldliness described as daydreaming. She had developed coping and masking strategies to disguise her sense of difference and to fit in with her peer group. I was told that she was ‘borderline’, ‘very high functioning’ due to her intelligence, vocabulary and imagination. As she didn’t present as typically autistic in the way that her elder brother [G] did, there seemed to be an assumption that no additional support was needed.
*
Some mainstream schools have a unit attached that autistic pupils can attend for part of the day. This may be for particular lessons or to provide a safe place during breaks and lunchtimes.
If a child is receiving interventions such as
Some children’s behaviour may require a highly structured environment throughout the day, such that the only option is a
G is now 17 with very limited language and attends a special school. He seems happy and well-liked by teachers and peers; he is sociable, affectionate and has a sense of humour. He cannot live independently, but with support is able to dress himself, shower, use the washing machine, dishwasher and help with cooking – he loves food. He bounces like Tigger when we are out and about (drawing attention to himself), but now goes to the gym and enjoys running and swimming.
Places at special schools and residential schools are limited and are only available to those children with an EHCP, CSP or Statement of SEN. In the late 20th century there was a move away from special schools, towards placing as many children as possible in mainstream settings. The emphasis on ‘inclusion’ reflects the belief that it is better for autistic children to be educated alongside neurotypical children in their community, thus being involved in all the social and academic activities that other children experience.
Sadly, despite the advantages of mainstream school, many autistic children do not feel included, lack friends and may not achieve their academic or vocational potential. As you have learned throughout this module, autism is highly heterogeneous: in education (as with so many other areas of life) a ‘one size fits all’ approach does not work. It is essential that the individual needs of the child are considered, and that the right education context is found.
Many parents of autistic children in the UK feel that their choices are limited. However, the range and quality of educational choices is substantial compared with provision in many other areas of the world, and especially in low income countries. For instance, Ethiopia has a population of nearly 100 million people, of whom more than half are children – yet until recently there have been only two schools for autistic children. These are in the capital city, Addis Ababa, and were founded by two mothers, both of whom have taken important steps in improving support and services for children with autism (Tekola et al., 2016).
If you are in the UK, explore the internet to find out about educational provision near to you. You may find it useful to access the NAS Autism Services Directory, which you will find here: http://www.autism.org.uk/ earlybird
Check which of the following types of provision are available:
If you are studying outside the UK, see if you can find out where the nearest autism-friendly school is located.
Some parents choose to home-educate their children. They may have tried mainstream and/or special school options, and found both to be unsuitable for their child. Their child may have had bad experiences or failed to progress, or parents may be using interventions such as
In this video clip Arabella, mother of Iris Grace, explains why she took the decision to educate Iris at home:

[LAUGHTER]
Besides the potential drawbacks of home education just outlined, can you think of another important developmental opportunity that home-educated children are likely to miss out on?
All home-educated children, whether autistic or not, may lack opportunities for interacting and learning to socialise with other children, an important part of their learning and progression towards adulthood. However, it is possible to join a network of other home-educating parents and participate in organised outings or joint learning sessions. Some parents have even set up groups in their own homes to facilitate their child’s interactions. In this video clip Arabella talks about the Little Explorers Activity Club that she runs from home, bringing Iris Grace together with other autistic children for informal learning activities:

Check what you’ve learned this week by taking the end-of-week quiz.
Open the quiz in a new window or tab then return here once you’ve finished it.
This week you have looked at key challenges facing families when one or more members is autistic. This week’s material has outlined the forms of support that are available to families, and touched on the difficulties that some families may have in accessing this support. It has also highlighted the remarkable resilience often present in the face of difficulties, including in multiplex families. One of the biggest challenges for parents is finding the right school or other educational option for their child. The key features of the main educational choices available in the UK were described, and the arguments for and against different options were considered.
You should now be able to:
Next week focuses on what happens when a young person with autism leaves school and enters adulthood.
Now you can go to Week 7.
This course was written by Dr Ilona Roth and Dr Nancy Rowell.
Except for third party materials and otherwise stated (see terms and conditions), this content is made available under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 Licence.
The material acknowledged below and within the course is Proprietary and used under licence (not subject to Creative Commons Licence). Grateful acknowledgement is made to the following sources for permission to reproduce material in this course:
Figure 1: courtesy: Zoe Wood
Figure 2: courtesy: from Earlybird Support Programme: National Autistic Society https://www.autism.org.uk/
2.2 two clips © OU
3.1 Video: Alex © The Open University
4.4 Video: Arabella (mother of Iris Grace) © The Open University
Every effort has been made to contact copyright owners. If any have been inadvertently overlooked, the publishers will be pleased to make the necessary arrangements at the first opportunity.
Don't miss out
If reading this text has inspired you to learn more, you may be interested in joining the millions of people who discover our free learning resources and qualifications by visiting The Open University – www.open.edu/ openlearn/ free-courses.