1 The importance of the early years
You are going to start by exploring relationships in the early years through the lens of a case study family. The account pinpoints a number of possible factors impacting on the children’s relationships. Make a mental note of these factors as you read the case study, but note that you may have other views due to your different interests, prior knowledge and experiences.
Case study: Forming early relationships
Thomas (4) and Rowanna (9 months) live with their parents, Cara and Alistair, a young married couple in their twenties, and their grandmother, Diane. Diane is Alistair’s mother. Cara and Alistair have known each other since they were at school together and married when Cara found out she was expecting Thomas. Although Diane tries hard not to interfere with how Cara and Alistair bring up their family there are inevitable tensions with the three adults sharing a house and Thomas, at four, is beginning to play his parents and grandparent off against each other.
Cara has decided to go back to work full time now that Thomas is moving on from preschool into mainstream schooling. Rowanna has been a very clingy baby and Cara is worried about how she will cope with being away from ‘Mummy’ and going into day care.
Thomas was a very easy baby – very placid and quiet. As a toddler he often seemed to be in his own world and did not interact with other children. Thomas’s parents put his behaviour down to having a reserved personality, and were secretly very pleased with their well-behaved little boy. During a routine health check Thomas was diagnosed as having a hearing impairment and over the past year has undergone various medical tests. He now sees a speech and language therapist on a regular basis.
Rowanna has been a more difficult and demanding baby, suffering from colic until she was 4 months old. Cara had difficulty bonding with her and wonders if there will be any long-term effects on her relationship with her daughter, or on Rowanna’s social and emotional development.
As a baby, Thomas was happy to lie quietly in his cot, or amuse himself as he got older, and did not seem to want lots of attention. As a result, Cara was able to work part time. Between them, Cara, Diane and Alistair were able to care for Thomas without him going into day care until he started preschool at the age of 3. Juggling work and family time, however, meant taking Thomas out to meet other babies and toddlers was not easy. When Cara and Alistair went to a parents’ meeting with the preschool to discuss his transition to school, they were not surprised to hear that he has no special friend, and that he is quite happy playing on his own.
As Thomas has a hearing impairment he was referred to a speech and language therapist. This was a great shock to his parents and they found it hard to adjust. However, they were determined to do all they could to help him. They spend a lot of time carrying out exercises and activities suggested by the professionals they see. Thomas does not always want to do these, and Cara and Alistair sometimes resort to cajoling and bribing him to do what they want. Thomas gets upset and, on occasions, Diane steps in and lets Thomas have what he wants without doing what he has been asked to do. This has caused some friction between the adults in the house for a time.
When Rowanna was born a few months after Thomas’s diagnosis, Cara, particularly, found it very difficult to cope with the differing demands of the two children. Rowanna has been the total opposite to Thomas as a baby. She suffered from colic and cried a lot, and woke frequently in the early months. Alistair worked a lot of night shifts so that he could be about during the day to take Thomas to preschool and give Cara a break, but this left them both tired and exhausted. Although Diane had tried to keep in the background when Thomas was a baby to allow Cara and Alistair the freedom to develop their own parenting skills, she has become much more involved with baby Rowanna.
From a very tiny baby Rowanna hated being put down and would scream or cry unless she was being cuddled or sleeping. Her clingy behaviour was very wearing on the family. Diane, who did a lot of the early caring, spent many hours cradling Rowanna in an attempt to calm her, while Cara was busy with Thomas. Rowanna now has a very close bond with her ‘Nanna’. She loves to cuddle up to Diane for a story and will often choose to go to her when she is hurt. On a recent occasion, when she fell over playing in the garden, even though Cara was nearer to her, Rowanna chose to go to her grandmother for comfort rather than her mum. Cara found this small incident upsetting and it has made her realise that she needs to spend more time with Rowanna and work to build up their relationship.
Rowanna’s relationship with Cara appears to be less secure than her relationship with Diane. While she seems happy enough to be with Cara there are little hints that she feels more sure of her relationship with Diane, such as settling more easily for Diane when she is upset . Cara is grateful to Diane for helping with Rowanna, but has begun to worry that she takes second place to Nanna in her daughter’s eyes. Thomas found it hard to adjust to sharing his parents with Rowanna when she was first born but he loves his little sister now, and likes to play with her, although he can get annoyed with her, too – particularly when Rowanna tries to grab his favourite dinosaur model!
Activity 1
Reread the case study and make a note of:
- What factors may have impacted on both Thomas and Rowanna’s relationships with their parents and grandmother?
- What possible reasons are there for why Rowanna may not have formed a close relationship with her mother?
Comment
The account highlights some possible factors that may affect the children’s relationships. Below are some of the factors you may have identified, but you may have noted different ones. Your answers may reflect your different experiences, interests and prior knowledge.
Thomas’s diagnosis of a hearing impairment came while Cara was expecting Rowanna. Cara had to spend a lot of time taking Thomas to appointments and carrying out activities with him to help him with his language development. This naturally will have impacted on Thomas’s relationship with his parents and grandmother as everyone coped with the demands an early intervention approach placed on the family.
Thomas’s behaviour and subsequent diagnosis, and the busy lives of his parents, may have affected how easy he found it to form relationships with other children, although he appears to be forming a healthy sibling relationship with his sister.
Rowanna has a very close, secure, relationship with her Nanna as she did a lot of the early caring while Cara was busy with Thomas. Cara found it difficult to bond with Rowanna when she was born, possibly because her focus was on Thomas but also because Rowanna was a ‘difficult’ baby. There is a hint that Rowanna may not be sure that her mother loves her and may have a less secure relationship with her, evidenced by Rowanna going to her Nanna when she was hurt.
Learning outcomes