3.9 Grooming others: adults, carers, parents, organisations, and communities

In order to avoid detection and reduce the chances of any disclosure being believed, abusers will also groom those around and closest to the child.

All these people are individuals who the child may tell, or who may spot and report worrying signs about the medic’s behaviour. He will therefore take steps to try to reassure them about his motivation – and manipulate them all into viewing him as a ‘good guy’ whose behaviour does not raise concerns.

Why do abusers groom people around the child, clubs, and organisations?

You have learned that abusers groom parents (and often the wider family), other potentially protective adults around the child – and sometimes the sports club, organisation, or even the community. They do this to create an image, position, and/or reputation for themselves which is so positive and powerful that it allows them to abuse children. Grooming will:

• Convince others that their intentions towards children are totally positive – and that they would never harm a child.
• Allow them to undermine, bend, or break rules with no action taken. Place them above any suspicion.
• Allow them to manipulate their contact with particular children, excluding other adults and children – allowing them to spend time alone with their victims.
• Establish enough power – position and/or charisma – to intimidate children and adults with concerns and reduce the likelihood of allegations being made or taken seriously should they arise.

An abuser’s image

A groomer wants an image and reputation that means anyone hearing any allegation will react with disbelief. This is one way that groomers try to make sure they are not stopped from abusing and is all part of the manipulative way that they operate.