6.5 What are other reasons why children don’t disclose abuse?

Let’s read about why you are unlikely to hear about abuse directly from the child being abused.

Further reasons why children are unlikely to disclose abuse

For each statement you read, think about what was stopping the disclosure before you click on it to reveal the feedback.

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  • ‘She always told me I’m as much to blame as her for what we’ve been doing – so I’ll be in trouble with everyone if it comes out – my parents, the team, even the police’

    (i.e. convinced by their abuser that they are responsible for what happened, or they may be in trouble with other adults)

  • ‘No-one’s ever going to believe me over him – he’s famous – everyone loves him. Who am I – just a nobody’, and ‘It was all so long ago – they’ll all ask why I didn’t say anything when it happened.’

    (i.e. a worry that they won’t be believed)

  • ‘I’m just so ashamed and embarrassed, even thinking about it – there’s no way I can tell someone else.’

    (i.e. they are deeply embarrassed and ashamed which makes describing it to someone else very difficult)

  • ‘Everyone will hear about it – they’ll all know what a bad, dirty girl I am. They’ll want me to go to court and tell them all what he’s been doing to me – I just can’t do that.’

    (i.e. many children fear the practical consequences of telling or that their experiences will become known in the wider community)

  • ‘Because I took his presents, and he kept me on the team, he says I’m part of it all. It’s true too – I knew it was wrong.’

    (i.e. they may fear that having accepted gifts or other favours they are partly to blame for what happened)

  • ‘I don’t know who I can talk to about all this.’

    (i.e. children may not know who they can trust and go to for help)

  • ‘I wanted to tell my parents, but the words did not come out.'

    (i.e. children simply may not know who to tell, or how to explain what has happened to them)

  • ‘I am so confused. He says I am special to him and if I tell someone I will get him in trouble.'

    (i.e. children can be groomed into feeling loyal towards their abuser)

  • ‘My coach really likes me and takes care of me.’

    (i.e. children may not realise they are being abused)

  • ‘Sometimes he did bad things to me in front of other grown-ups – and no one tried to stop him.'

    (i.e. where there have been bystanders who didn’t prevent the abuse, children may find it hard to know which adults they can trust)

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Comment

This highlights that there are many reasons children may not be able to disclose their abuse. That makes it really important that you are able to spot the signs and behaviours that indicate abuse might be happening.

6.4 Why do children rarely disclose abuse?

6.6 Meet Rejeli: what can we learn from her experience?