Feature not a bug
⧉ THE GLYCHT-SCOTS MANIFESTO ⧉
A Declaration o Syntax Sabotage, Dialect Resistance & Linguistic Spectral Engineering.
0. PROLOGUE: THE SYSTEM ERROR
We begin wi a crash.
A blue scrȳn.
A “hoose no foun”.
A bairn’s cry stuck in bufferin.
Scots has aye been treated as a corrupted file, a dialect relegated tae the recycle bin o Empire.
This manifesto insists:
the glitch IS the language.
The error IS the truth.
The corruption IS the resistance.
⸻
1. SCOTS IS NOT A DIALECT: SCOTS IS A MALFUNCTION IN POWER
Scots daesna conform tae centralised logic.
It sprawls, shifts, mutates, refuses a single spellin.
It is the OS crash o Standard English.
A linguistic worm.
A joyful virus.
A rogue process.
We claim this instability as strength.
We reject every attempt tae “fix” us.
Let the teachers argue aboot “correct” Scots.
Let the academics build their taxonomies.
We will spik the versions that dinna behave.
The Doric that frays.
The Shetland that scrambles.
The Glaswegian that defies orthography.
The mixed mongrel tongue o noo.
⸻
2. AESTHETICS OF THE CORRUPTION
Scots glitches by nature:
hoose / hous / hūs / huise / hus / hʉs — nae hierarchy, nae centre.
This is différance in dialect.
Therefore:
• Fragment the wird.
• Double it, treble it, break it.
• Insert noise into syntax.
• Embrace typographic collapse.
• Allow the line tae stutter, like breath catchin in the cauld haar.
Noise isn’t noise.
Noise is truth unshackled from expectation.
⸻
3. GLITCH AS RESISTANCE
Glitch is embodiment o rupture.
It exposes the infrastructure behind linguistic control.
By glitchin Scots,
we reveal the code o conquest:
• standardisation,
• centralisation,
• erasure,
• the polite sneer o “uneducated”.
We jam the operating system.
We force the “proper” tongue tae confront its ain instability.
A glitch is never passive.
A glitch is a strike,
a refusal tae process,
a refusal tae complete the assigned task.
⸻
4. THE RIGHT TO MISPELL, MISHEAR, MISBEHAVE
This manifesto enshrines:
THE RIGHT TO BREK THE WIRD.
• Spell it wrang on purpose.
• Spell it wrang by instinct.
• Spell it different every time.
THE RIGHT TO BE UNGRAMMATICAL.
Syntax is a colonial fence.
Kick it doon.
THE RIGHT TO MAKE NEW WIRDS THROUGH ERROR.
Corruption creates futures.
Let the machine misread us into existence.
THE RIGHT TO SOUND LIKE NAEBODY’S APPROVED MODEL.
Yer tongue is nae museum exhibit.
Yer voice is nae archive specimen.
⸻
5. HYBRIDITY WITHOUT APOLOGY
We embrace linguistic bastardry:
Scots + code
Scots + glitch
Scots + emojis
Scots + HTML
Scots + French
Scots + Gaelic
Scots + bits o self-invented blether
The purist demands a stable language.
The glitch replies:
stability is death.
⸻
6. SCOTS AS HAUNTOLOGY
Scots haunts the page like a revenant.
Words vanish:
gowdie
ligget
lowpin
midden
thole
bairn
yowe
smirr
Some archived.
Some dying.
Some glitchin back tae life.
In a glitch-Scots poetics,
these words appear + disappear like packet loss.
The language isna dead —
it’s flickerin.
⸻
7. MANIFESTO OF THE GLYCHT TONGUE
1. We will scrieve in fragments.
2. We will spik in broken code.
3. We will insert noise where sense expects silence.
4. We will collapse the distinction between right and wrang.
5. We will mistranslate deliberately.
6. We will let dialects overlap like corrupted layers.
7. We will celebrate linguistic entropy.
8. We will refuse to stabilise.
9. We will not tidy our tongues for the comfort of authority.
10. We will glitch the future into existence.
⸻
8. THE GLYCHT-WRITIN PRACTICE (GUIDELINES & DISRUPTIONS)
a. Let the line break at the wrang moment.
Disrupt breath.
b. Use corrupted Unicode tae reveal the unsaid.
ni͞c͟h͕t
h⧸⧸s
b⧹airn
c. Turn silence into text.
[…]
( )
// muted channel //
d. Stutter words on purpose.
aye—aye—ay—e—
e. Mix dialects wi nae introduction.
Doric meets Glesga meets Burra meets Borders.
f. Allow glitch logic tae override human logic.
If the machine misreads it, keep the misreading.
g. Let mistranslation be a creative force.
Translate a word intae whit it feels like, no whit it means.
h. Treat the page as a corrupted screen.
Not a clean surface.
⸻
9. DECLARATION OF DISSOLUTION
We are no seekin recognition.
We are no seekin legitimacy.
We are no seekin tae prove linguistic worth.
We are here tae dismantle the illusion o:
• “proper Scots”
• “proper English”
• “proper literature”
• “proper form”
The glitch is oor territory.
Scots is oor weapon.
Language is the battlefield.
⸻
10. EPILOGUE: THE LOOP
If this manifesto contradicts itself,
good.
If it corrupts itself,
better.
If it deletes itself,
perfect.
A glitch manifesto shouldna end —
it should recur,
duplicate,
degrade,
and reappear in new forms.
So we end wi a loop:
Scots isna broken.
Scots breaks ye.
Scots isna glitchin.
Scots IS the glitch.
Scots isna gaun awa.
Scots is reloadin… reloadin… reloadin…
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