3.7 Positive relationship skills

Relationship skills are needed by everybody – they will enable you to connect with others and form bonds. They can help you to have healthy, happy and strong interactions with people.

By offering stable, positive relationships, the right support and calming environments, this can help to build resilience for children and young people.

Watch this video which explains how this can be done.

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Different skills are required for different types of relationships and situations.

Look at the scenarios in the relationships below.

Click on each of the six headings to learn more.

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1. Friendship tensions such as resolving conflicts of misunderstandings with friends. Skills required: active listening, empathy and boundary setting. 2. Family dynamics like disputes or changing relationships, such as caring for ageing parents or dealing with sibling rivalry. Skills required: negotiation and caregiving skills. 3. Parenting challenges such as addressing the changing needs and behaviours of children. Skills required: patience, empathy, and effective discipline techniques. 4. Romantic relationship struggles where issues about trust, intimacy or differing life goals. Skills required: effective communication and emotional connection. 5. Workplace conflicts that need disagreements and misunderstanding to be navigated carefully. Skills required: effective communication and conflict solving skills. 6. Community participation such as involvement in activities or helping to address neighbourhood issues. Skills required: cooperation, leadership and teamworking skills.

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Think about how you could develop these suggested strategies and techniques further to achieve positive relationship skills.

Boundaries

What do we mean by boundaries?

Personal boundaries are limits we set to protect our emotional and physical well-being in relationships. Good boundaries can help to build positive relationship skills, and they can help us to stay within our window of tolerance. It is important to be mindful of our own boundaries and the boundaries of the person you are supporting, as they need to feel emotionally safe, and this may not be easy for them.

We may avoid setting boundaries due to the fear of feeling uncomfortable. However, there is kindness in the use of boundaries – it is kind action to take as it promotes respect and clarity. It’s ok to say ‘no’ and this can help you to become better at setting and maintaining boundaries.

Creating emotional safety

Emotional safety is essential for positive relationships in any setting. When people feel listened to and understood, they feel safe, appreciated, valued, worthwhile, and trusted. This allows them to feel vulnerable and take responsibility for their actions.

In emotionally safe relationships, people feel comfortable around each other, can share thoughts and opinions, repair conflicts quickly, express sensitive feelings and feel connected. We are all responsible for creating emotional safety – by using the trauma-informed principles in our everyday practice we are more likely to achieve this.

Listening with empathy

Empathetic listening improves collaboration, trust and builds connection. When somebody is listening empathetically to us, we are likely to be more open and less defensive.

Watch this short video with Brene Brown by the Royal Society of Arts (RSA, 2013) on empathy.

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Listening with empathy means to:

Pay attention – make sure the other person has your undivided attention.
Pause your talking – give time for the other person to share, don’t interrupt.
Maintain open body language – consider non-verbal communication and responses such as eye contact and posture.
Provide invitation to explore – ‘Please, let me know your views on this’, ‘I’m really interested to hear what you think’.
Listen for deeper meaning – ‘Take as long as you need, I’m here to listen’.
Acknowledge and validate – ‘That sounds really hard’, ‘It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot’.
Check your understanding – ‘So what you mean is’, ‘Let me make sure I’ve got this right’.

Listening with empathy will help to create a space for people to feel safe. In addition to how you listen, it’s important to consider the language that you use too.

3.6 Formal relationships

3.8 Language