4.1 Putting it into practice – what is important?

You have read about Jemma’s experience of care and how this has impacted on her life. You have also learned that it’s important for people who have been affected by trauma to feel safe.

Using Jemma’s story, here are some examples of how you can create emotional safety in your relationships:

Seek to understand – In Jemma’s context, you could ask her ‘Tell me a bit more about how you are feeling’, ‘Can I check I’ve understood that right?’.

Listen actively – Maintain a comfortable and relaxed body posture and avoid interrupting – be aware that some people may find direct eye contact intimidating. Nod and use verbal cues like ‘I see’ or ‘mm-hmm’ to show your focus. Express empathy with replies like ‘I can appreciate why you might feel that way’ or ‘that sounds so tough’.

Maintain consistency and boundaries – If you were supporting Jemma, you might achieve this by saying, ‘Jemma, I want to make sure you feel comfortable and know what to expect. We can decide together what is acceptable to either of us and how we can best develop our relationship. We’ve set our meetings for every Tuesday at 2 p.m. and I’ll do my best to keep it that way. If there’s ever a time when either of us need to reschedule, we will try to let each other know at least one day in advance. It’s important to me that we keep things clear and consistent for you’.

Practice empathy – You might share your feelings with Jemma and say, ‘I can see how much this is affecting you, and it’s really hard to talk about these things. I want you to know that it’s okay to feel hurt and scared. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed too when there are things coming up and so much uncertainty about them. But I’m here with you, and we can get through this together’. Be mindful of your own boundaries and don’t overshare with the person you are interacting with.

Understanding that all behaviour is communication – Sometimes, we experience an emotional response to how others react, particularly when we are under work-related stress. Instead try and understand the triggers that are behind the other person’s behaviour and communication – take a moment to pause and focus on the underlying emotions that have been shared. You might say to Jemma, ‘I see that you’re upset right now, and that’s okay. I always want you to feel safe and able to share your feelings’.

Think differently – Sometimes we try to change another person’s perspective or convince them that they could see things differently. Instead, consider what you can do to help the other person manage how they are feeling. With Jemma, you might say, ‘We can’t control how others behave or communicate, but we can focus on what you need right now. What makes you feel calm and supported? Together we might be able to find ways for you to take care of yourself’.

Responsive communication – use appropriate language – It’s important to communicate in a way that suits the person that you are interacting with. This includes verbal and non-verbal communication. Avoid using jargon or official language. Ask the person how they would like you to communicate with them and keep checking with them that they can understand. Consider how you might have supported Jemma as her social worker. For example, Jemma could work closely with you to create a plan around any transition or change? This would help Jemma to understand what is coming next as she would be more actively involved in the process.