9 Communication styles
During their primary socialisation, people learn what verbal and non-verbal communication is common and acceptable in their communities. People might not always follow such norms, but they nevertheless understand the behaviour expected from them when they socialise with acquaintances, colleagues or family members in their community.
The choices that speakers have regarding how they phrase a complaint, or a request, are referred to as communication styles. Our communication styles do not just depend on our upbringing: they are also personal choices that are context-specific while also being informed by learned norms. Communication styles contain a wide range of verbal and non-verbal linguistic elements, and the choices speakers make regarding them carry meaning. Said choices are made based on the speaker’s audience, as well as on their own preferences. Communication styles affect, for example, how you organise and present information. Imagine for instance that you would like to go and see a movie with a friend. Would you ‘sell’ the movie and going to the cinema differently to a friend who watches movies and shows as a hobby in their free time from the way you would to someone who is very selective about what films they see?
In the same vein, compare for a minute how you might try to convince someone to read or watch something with how another person close to you does this. Are there differences in your styles of how you present something that you are a fan of?
For another example, think back to Activity 8. You were asked to match requests for salt with the appropriate context. Different degrees of politeness and directness are context-specific, and as children we usually learn who we need to be especially polite towards and why. Politeness and directness are however also a personal choice. You might have colleagues at work who you find overly formal, just the right amount of polite, or even rude. This is also due to your own personal preferences, and theirs.
Activity _unit2.10.1 Activity 10
In this Activity you will read two transcripts of encounters between Participants A and B. Your task is to firstly identify the social action that is being performed, and secondly to think about whether you would use the communication style by Participant A, and in what context. You can then check the background to the transcript in the comment.
Here is one example:
Participant A: I honestly didn’t mean to –
Participant B: You lied.
Participant A: I didn’t. Sorry you feel that way.
Social action: Apology
Personal preference and assessment: Participant A’s apology seems a dishonest apology, as Participant A apologises for how their actions were perceived, and not for the action itself. I do not like non-apologies, so I usually avoid them. I could imagine using it for strangers when I do not actually feel like I have done something wrong.
Background: This is an excerpt of a service encounter. Participant A is a waiter, and Participant B returned a dish they feel they were misled about.
Encounter 1:
Participant B: Somebody needed to tell him.
(2 seconds silence)
Participant B: Don’t you think?
Participant A: Mm, I don’t know. Maybe it should have stayed between them.
Social action:
Personal preference and assessment:
Discussion
Background: The social action depicted in this transcript is a disagreement. A disagreement is a risky undertaking, as it can potentially irritate, hurt or embarrass the other person. There are several degrees of directness that can be used to defuse or escalate such a situation. Participant A is not openly criticizing Participant B here, but instead suggests that a different approach might have been right. Depending on where you are in the world, such a response can be taken as harsh, or as indirect and polite.
The silence in this transcript is, however, somewhat more universal: Research shows that the initial brief silence communicates to Participant B that a ‘dispreferred’ response will be given. This means that people can discern from a pause that only lasts one millisecond that the interlocutor will say something they might not want to hear. Participant B’s follow-up question shows as well that they have noticed that something was not right. In spoken interactions, agreements and other preferred responses are given fairly quickly. Interlocutors might not immediately respond verbally, but facial expressions or body movements usually give an almost immediate positive response. People only hesitate when the easiest option – a preferred response – cannot be given.
Encounter 2:
Participant A: It was really quite easy.
Participant B: No, this is outstanding!
Participant A: I’m glad you like it.
Participant B: Thank you so much for taking the time to do it, she’ll be delighted! You are amazing!
Participant A: Ah, don’t be daft.
Social action:
Personal preference and assessment:
Discussion
This is an interaction where Participant B praises or compliments Participant A for a costume they made for Participant B’s daughter. The social action is ‘receiving praise’, and Participant A seems to be uncomfortable and downplays what they are being complimented for. Receiving praise can elicit a sense of embarrassment for some, or a feeling of being desired and celebrated by others. This is often linked to one’s self-confidence or sense of self-worth and is therefore a very personal matter. Across cultures there can also be different norms around the speech act of giving and receiving compliments. This often revolves around what relationship two individuals should have so that it is perceived as appropriate to pay compliments, and how ‘easily’ they are given.