3.8 Online affairs in counselling
From our own work in this area (Vossler and Moller, 2020a) we would suggest that there are some aspects of online affairs that are potentially particularly relevant for counselling because they may increase the distress of someone who discovers a partner’s affair. Consider these aspects by engaging in the activity below.
Activity 3.8 Aspects that create distress in online affairs
1. Consider the following statements about aspects of online infidelity. Pair the correct consequence with the correct statement.
Using the following two lists, match each numbered item with the correct letter.
Feels like a particular betrayal for partner on receiving end of affair; means that the couple’s home no longer feels safe.
This means people can feel they have a ‘license’ to engage in internet infidelity without perceiving it as such (Mileham, 2007).
Permanence and detail of the infidelity record online can interfere with the need to rebuild trust/move on.
The potentially addictive nature of digital spaces has led to suggestions or perceptions (Vossler and Moller, 2020a) that online spaces may actually encourage infidelity.
a.Real or virtual? − Because interactions with an affair partner are happening online it can be more difficult to know what is ‘real’ or not.
b.Addictive quality − There has been quite a lot written on the addictive nature of digital spaces, with research on internet addiction, online gaming addiction and mobile phone addiction. All this suggests that online interactions may be harder to resist.
c.Permanence of the record − Infidelity is often discovered through discovery of email/text/social media communication between affair partners. This permanent record may be long and full of emotional and sexual details about the affair.
d.Occurs at home − Online infidelity often happens in the space where a couple live (rather than conventional affairs where the interactions typically take place outside the family home).
- 1 = d
- 2 = a
- 3 = c
- 4 = b
a.
Occurs at home
b.
Real or virtual?
c.
Permanence of the record
d.
Addictive quality
The correct answers are a and c.
a.
Permanence of the record
b.
Addictive quality
c.
Real or virtual?
d.
Occurs at home
The correct answers are b and c.
Having considered how infidelity is defined and understood it is timely to consider the implications of this for how infidelity can most effectively be worked with in counselling and psychotherapy.
Next continue to Topic 4 Working therapeutically with infidelity.
3.7 Characteristics of online affairs