4.5 Pleasurable feelings

The next activity works well at the end of a session on anatomy, as a way to tie it all together.

Alternatively, you could use this activity on its own in a more general session. It asks participants to think about ‘good feelings’ when they are in a sexual situation and helps them to think about the difference between feelings in their body, mind and emotions.

Activity 4.7: Good feelings

Timing: Allow about 20 minutes to do this activity

Explain to students that in a sexual situation of any sort (whether kissing, sexual intercourse or something else), you should experience good feelings. These good feelings should be in your body, mind and emotions.

Write down on a chalkboard or large piece of paper ‘Good Feelings’ as a headline and then the headings below:

  • in your emotions
  • in your mind
  • in your body.

Ask your students to give an example of a good feeling in your emotions when you are in a sexual situation, a good feeling in your mind, and so on. You can use the following list to give them some examples to help them get started, and to check that by the end you’ve covered the main points:

Good feelings – emotions: Arousal, joy, happiness, interest, and curiosity. You do not feel any strong negative feelings, such as fear, anger, guilt, shame, contempt, disgust. You may still be a little bit nervous and uncertain, but you should mainly experience positive emotions.

Good feelings – mind: Thoughts such as: “This is great!”, “This is just what I wanted!” and “I want to keep doing this”. You do not have thoughts that make you feel bad, such as: “I don’t want to!”, “If I do this, I won’t get dumped – I have to keep going!”, “I want to be anywhere else but here!” You may still have some doubts and worries, but your positive thoughts should be stronger.

Good feelings – body: Your body tells you when you want to have sex. It’s as if it longs to be touched! Your body wants to be close to the other person’s body. Your sexual organ is swollen/wet and you may feel positive feelings such as a tingling or pounding in other parts of your body. Although your body is telling you that you have a good feeling, you must always take your emotions and thoughts into account as well.

You can also have a good feeling without, at that moment, having lubrication or an erection. Erection, ejaculation or lubrication is not necessary to enjoy and feel pleasure, and you can get an erection even when you are not sexually aroused. Desire can come and go quickly, for example if you are nervous.

Close the session by writing down some main messages or ask them to summarise what they have learnt, e.g.:

  • Lust and pleasure should be a central part of sex for everyone involved.
  • If it doesn’t feel okay, or it hurts, you should feel able to stop or say that you want to do it another way.
  • Female and male bodies respond in similar ways, and we all have the same ability to feel desire or pleasure. But, as individuals, we all also have different preferences and sensitivities.

4.4 Arousal and orgasms

Summary