5.1 A good relationship

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Figure 5.2 Making one another happy can be a sign of a good relationship
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A young Indian couple looking happy together.

Figure 5.2 Making one another happy can be a sign of a good relationship

This first activity can be a good one to do at the beginning of a CSE session, or at the beginning of a series of sessions. It asks young people to come up with a vision of a good relationship with a romantic partner. The aim is to help them think about positive relationships with sexual partners and about the role of sexual pleasure within a good relationship.

You can also repeat the activity at the end of the sessions, to see whether participants’ ideas have changed. You might find it helpful to do parts of the exercise yourself as well – there are no right answers because different things are important to different people.

Activity 5.1: What does a good relationship look like?

Timing: Allow about 20–30 minutes to do this activity

Step 1: Show the students a list of statements similar to this:

  • We love each other
  • We listen to each other
  • We have pleasurable sex
  • We are faithful to each other
  • We can laugh together
  • We respect each other’s boundaries
  • We try out different types of sex
  • We have shared dreams of the future
  • We treat each other with respect
  • We have fun together.

Explain that this is one person’s vision of a really good sexual and romantic relationship. Ask the participants to imagine their ideal romantic relationship. Ask them to write down their own list similar to the one above.

It is important that each person feels comfortable enough writing down their uniquely personal ideas of the perfect relationship, so make it clear that their answers will remain private and won’t be shared, and that theirs may not be the same (or even similar) to the answers others give. Everyone is different, and we will all have different ideas of what an ideal relationship looks like.

Alternatively, with a confident group, you might just ask them to come up with their own ideas, without writing up the list first, or just give them one or two prompts from the list verbally.

Step 2: Divide the group into small groups of 3–4 people. Ask each group to agree on some statements about what a good sexual and romantic relationship looks like.

Step 3: Ask each group to present their agreed visions. While they are presenting them (or afterwards), choose some of the points and ask questions to help them make their visions more concrete.

For example:

  • How will you know that you love each other?
  • How will you know that sex is pleasurable for both of you?
  • What does ‘being faithful’ mean to you?
  • Why is it important to laugh together?
  • Give me an example of what treating each other with respect would look like.
  • Give me an example of what treating each other disrespectfully would look like.
  • What would you do if one of you wants children and the other doesn’t?

Use these questions to help participants think about what a good sexual and romantic relationship is in real life, as opposed to an idealised one.

Introduction

5.2 Practising consent through handshakes