6.2 What counts as sex?

Step 1: Tell the group that the aim of this activity is to think about what we mean by ‘sex’. Divide people into groups of between 3 and 5. Tell them they have 5 minutes to think of as many things as they can that they think count as ‘sex’.

Step 2: Ask the groups to give some feedback to the class, and write down their ideas on a chalkboard or large piece of paper. Ask questions about the answers they give to help challenge the attitudes and assumptions behind them. For example:

• Is sex something that only relates to the genitals? What other parts of the body can be part of sex? (e.g. Hands, mouth, nipples? Other sensitive places on the body? It depends on the individual?)
• Is sex always something that takes place between two people who are in the same space? (No, it can be with oneself – masturbation – or with someone who is not in the room – sexting, telephone sex – or consider the possibility that more than two people can be involved.)
• Is it still sex if one partner does not have an orgasm? (Yes. Some people do not experience or want orgasms, or not on every occasion that they experience sexual pleasure).
• Does everyone want to have sex? (Here you can talk about the fact that sexual desire can increase and decrease as we age, and can depend on other life factors. You should also mention that some people do not experience sexual desire at all – this is called being ‘asexual’)
• It sounds as if you are saying that everyone likes the same kind of sex, but can people be turned on by different things (dressing up, nudity, fantasy, surroundings, etc.)?
• If it sounds as if sex is always positive or negative, why do you think this is? (Here you can discuss pleasure and joy or force and abuse)
• Is sex all about technique and positions? What about mood, desire, fantasies, pleasure?