6.3 Exploring dilemmas

The next activity helps participants to reflect on the dilemmas young people experience and to explore different options for actions.

There are no right or wrong answers, but several possibilities to think about and discuss.

Activity 6.3: Sex, boundaries and pleasure

Timing: Allow between 30 and 45 minutes to run this activity in a CSE session.

Note: This activity is best suited to a larger group or class.

Step 1: Divide the group into four smaller groups. Ask each group to stand in one corner or area of the room or space you are working in. Read Case study 1 to the group and give them the four options. Allocate one option to each group.

Case study 1

Sunil and Annu have been partners for a long time and are very much in love. Neither of them has had sex with anyone else before. They are planning to have sex together and have already bought condoms, but Sunil is having second thoughts. He is insecure about how they can make it a good experience for both. What should Sunil do?

Option 1: He should talk to Annu about it, so they can talk about what they like and plan to have sex.

Option 2: It is too embarrassing to talk about sex. He should just go ahead – they will find out along the way what they both like.

Option 3: He should get advice from someone he trusts in his family, among his friends or someone else.

Option 4: He should tell Annu that he cannot have sex with her.

Step 2: Tell each group to come up with arguments for the answer they have been given. After 5 minutes’ discussion, ask them to present their arguments to the whole group.

Step 3: Now tell the participants to move to the corner or space that represents their own view, rather than the view they had to argue before.

Step 4: Lead a discussion about the case study using these questions:

  1. What advantages and disadvantages are there to the different options?
  2. Which issues about sex and pleasure did the case study raise?
  3. What different possibilities for acting in regard to sex and pleasure did the case study raise?

Important points to note:

  • No one has the right to sex, but everyone has the right to say no.
  • If the young people are surprised that the man is hesitant in this story, talk to them about the fact that society often expects men to want sex and women to be more hesitant, but this is not always true. Women’s desire can be as strong and diverse as men’s.
  • You can also discuss some of the dilemmas that Annu might face herself, whether she does or doesn’t choose to have sex.

Step 5: Divide the group into four smaller groups again. Read Case study 2 out loud and give them the four options. Allocate one option to each group.

Case study 2

Kavya is 20 years old and has been married for 6 months. She and her husband have a good relationship but Kavya finds the sex a bit disappointing and sometimes a bit uncomfortable. She is not sure if she has ever had an orgasm. She learned in school that sex means penis-in-vagina sex and that’s what her husband seems to think too.

She's read women’s magazines that talk about different sex positions that feel good, and about sex toys that people sometimes use but she doesn’t know how to talk to her husband about trying them. What should she do?

Option 1: Buy a vibrator and try it out in private

Option 2: Talk to her husband about her dissatisfaction

Option 3: Talk to a trusted female friend or family member

Option 4: She should just accept that the sex isn’t brilliant because the rest of their relationship is good.

Step 6: Tell each group to come up with arguments for the answer they have been given. After 5 minutes’ discussion, ask them to present their arguments to the whole group.

Step 7: Now tell the participants to move to the corner or space that represents their own view, rather than the view they had to argue before.

Step 8: Lead a discussion about the case study using these questions:

  1. Which advantages and disadvantages are there to the different options?
  2. Which issues about sex and pleasure did the case study raise?
  3. What different possibilities for acting in regard to sex and pleasure did the case study raise?

Important points to note:

  • Sex can be much more than penis-in-vagina sex and most women need clitoral stimulation to experience sexual pleasure.
  • Masturbation can be a very good way to find out about your own body and what you like.

Further options for this activity:

You can extend this activity by changing the gender of the characters (Is it a girl or a boy who has the dilemma? Are the characters different genders or are they both the same?).

Or you can change the ages of the characters (Are the characters the same age or is one significantly older? What gender is the older character?).

Or you can change other aspects of their identities, like where they live or their family background. This allows you to explore and challenge young people’s assumptions and stereotypes about sexual practices.

You could also write your own case studies to explore other related issues.

6.2 What counts as sex?

6.4 Myths and facts quiz