3.6 Views of educators on sexual pleasure

Often the best way of learning is to listen to the experiences of others doing the same work as us. In this final section, we ask some educators from different places in the world about the topic of sexual pleasure in the context of CSE.

Activity 3.6: What do young people need in order to have a pleasurable sex life?

Timing: (Allow about 15 minutes to do this activity)

In this final activity, we asked Kawtar Khalil from Morocco and Joel Adedotun from Nigeria to tell us what they thought young people needed most in order to enjoy a full and pleasurable sexual life.

As you listen to Joel and Kawtar, jot down some notes answering the following questions:

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KAWTAR
OK. So I work with the Moroccan MA, which is the Moroccan Member Association of the IPPF. I have been working with them for three years now. I'm a youth activist, which means that I specialise in youth programmes.
I think, in order for us to talk about respect, we have to talk about communication, because respect comes after communication. If we communicate enough about what we want, what we like, what we don't like in life, in general, and particularly in sex, we can come to the point where we respect. Because once you know what the person likes or doesn't like, you can respect them in a way where you respect what they like and what they don't like.
So communication, for me, is the key to respecting yourself and respecting others. You know your boundaries, you show other people your boundaries, and if they don't respect that, then we would go back to talking about consent. They're not respecting you, and they're probably not respecting themselves. So communication and respect go hand-in-hand.
I think you don't just know it. You're not just born and you know what you like and what you don't like. You have to experience things.
And so this is the teenage years, where people experience their sexuality, experience themselves, their bodies. And when you're old enough, when you're no longer a teenager, then you know what you like and what you don't like. And this is when you start drawing your boundaries, and this is when you should also start talking to people and partners that you have about them, so.
I can't imagine someone having the pleasure if they're not respecting boundaries, they're not communicating, if they're not - if there's no consent. So all of these are ways that could lead you to have a pleasurable time.
I think it has to do with consent, and it also has to do with respect. Because if you're feeling safe during the - when you're having sex, it means that you're not obliged to do it, it means that you enjoy it, and it means, of course, that you're going to experience pleasure. And I mean, who doesn't want to feel safe every day, all day, let alone when you're having sex, which is supposed to be something beautiful, should I say, something intimate. Like it's literally the definition of the most intimate thing you can do with another person.

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JOEL
My name is Joel Adedotun. I'm a youth peer educator for Planned Parenthood Federation of Nigeria, PPFN, from Nigeria. I work with the organisation on different SRH services for young people.
In my general opinion, I think - you know, let me start from defining what communication means to me. And I'll say communication is a personal ... Like communication will be exchange of information from one person to another or from one person and from one part of another group of people to another group of people. And you see, it means that it isn't just about talking. It is about passing out some certain informations.
And most people neglect communication, although it could come in any form. It could be verbal. It could be non-verbal. And absolutely, this is needed to build up our general relationship with people. If the speaker's intention, it is not the same as the listener's perception, communication has not occurred. So definitely, there needs to be some concordance between the person that is speaking and the person that is listening.
OK, now take this to our everyday relationship with people - how we relate with family, friends, and all of that - I believe communication is a key input to developing in our relationship.
I say self-esteem because this whole pleasure thing is important to your self. As much as anybody might have tried to give up pleasure to you in any form, sexually especially, it's important to how well you see yourself. How well do you admire yourself? How well do you find pleasure in yourself? How well are you so good with walking about in the room and being naked? How well do you appreciate yourself seeing your nakedness? Because if you don't, another person will see it, and you won't even feel comfortable with it.
Growing up, I think the major thing will be that young ones build self-esteem in themself. And that will be a key factor for them to enjoy some sexual life in the future.

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Conclusion

In this learning session, you learnt that there are many social norms, values and pressures around sexual pleasure. These norms and values influence how we communicate about sexual pleasure generally and on how we cover it in CSE. You have also reflected on your own values and experiences.

You have seen that enabling young people to have a good and pleasurable sex life means working on ‘generic’ life skills such as being assertive, being able to communicate, being able to consent and having good self-esteem.

Finally you have seen that young people are resourceful, and that you as an educator do not have to have all the answers.

Now you have explored what sexual pleasure is about, how important it is and how it can be difficult to include in CSE, we will now move on to the second part of this course.

In the next three learning sessions, you will find a wealth of ideas and tactics for incorporating sexual pleasure in your work with young people.

Now you can go to Learning Session 4 [Tip: hold Ctrl and click a link to open it in a new tab. (Hide tip)] .

3.5 Answering questions