4.1 How infidelity affects relationship partners
Infidelity is commonly associated with relationship breakdown, frequently including divorce (Previti and Amato, 2004; Atkins et al., 2001; Amato and Rogers, 1997). However, research suggests that there are a host of other potential negative outcomes. To learn more, try Activity 4.2.
Activity 4.2 Impacts of infidelity
a.
Yes
b.
No
The correct answer is a.
Discussion
2. It is not just the ‘victim’ who experiences negative emotions – those who engage in infidelity are also likely to experience increased psychological distress (DePompo and Butsuhara, 2016; Hall and Fincham, 2009).
a.
Yes
b.
No
The correct answer is a.
Discussion
Infidelity has often been linked to violence in relationships. One group of US researchers who sought to understand this correlation did so by examining transcripts of phone calls between men jailed for violence against their female partner and the women. The researchers focussed on the understandings of both partners of the immediate triggers to the violence as well as of any background stressors in the relationship.
It is important to note that the level of violence that the men had inflicted on the women was significant, resulting in injuries that included severe head trauma, complications from strangulation and lost pregnancy. The analysis found that the spectre – in other words the perceived risk as well as the actual fact – of infidelity (by both male and female partners) acted both, as an immediate trigger for violence by the men, and an ongoing background stressor in the relationship. In both cases infidelity increased risk of violence by upping the distress between the couple (Nemeth et al., 2012).
The potential relationship between infidelity and intimate partner violence is important for counsellors to be aware of, as evaluating and mitigating potential risk both for clients in counselling and for members of the public is part of the role. For example, a counsellor might need to consider whether a client who is planning to reveal an affair to their partner is going to be safe.
The safety of clients is pivotal in couple work with infidelity. Dependent on the specific work context (e.g. private practice or agency work), practitioners might need to see each relationship partner in a separate individual session before couple work/sessions can commence (to provide a safe space for individual disclosures). Dependent on who is seen and contracted as client (the individual client or the couple), confidentiality needs to be kept and secrets disclosed by one partner in an individual session might need to be carried out by the practitioner if they decide to work with the couple. However, both partners can be made aware of the impact of secrets on relationship work and the limitation this might pose for the counselling outcome. Relationship counsellors working in an agency setting should follow agency policy on these issues.
4. Working therapeutically with infidelity