Talking about loss: normalising grief with children

Approximately 1 in 29 school-age children has been bereaved of a parent or sibling, an equivalent of one child in every class (Costelloe, Mintz, & Lee, 2020). A parent of children under 18 dies every 20 minutes, leaving 127 children and young people newly bereaved of a parent each day. Many more children have been bereaved of a grandparent, other relative, close friend or pet. Research shows that children who participate in dedicated grief education programmes are more able to discuss and feel less anxious about death. Children and young people are keen to learn about grief, death and loss in school.

‘We should prepare for grief like we prepare for a fire in schools, proactively preparing people for the possibility that they are bereaved instead of being reactive when it is too late’
- National Childhood Bereavement Project (2022)

The new RSHE  framework

In July 2025, the Department for Education (DfE) in England published revised statutory guidance for Relationships, Sex and Health Education which includes grief and bereavement education for full implementation in September 2026. ​By the end of primary school (age 11), schools should cover content that teaches students ‘that change and loss, including bereavement, can provoke a range of feelings, that grief is a natural response to bereavement, and that everyone grieves differently’. 

Why grief matters

Grief and loss teach children to recognise, name and manage complex emotions. This builds emotional literacy, and supports children to navigate life’s challenges with awareness and resilience. Learning about grief also allows children to support others who are experiencing loss, fostering kindness, empathy, and stronger peer relationships. Ultimately, for all of us as humans, experiences of change, loss, and grief are inevitable. Developing social, emotional literacy in this way equips children with coping strategies that help them manage these situations positively, not just as children, but into adulthood too.

Create a safe space for emotional exploration

Before introducing resources to support with grief, it is essential to create a space that feels as safe as possible, whether this is in the classroom or in the home. In class, use agreements like “listen with kindness,” “no right or wrong feelings,” “we don’t have to share personal stories.” Begin with grounding activities (such as breathing, calm starters), and end with a positive close or emotional check-out. Pupils can pass, share in pairs, or contribute in non-verbal ways. Validate different reactions: “Everyone’s experience is unique.”

Most importantly of all, perhaps, is know which staff can follow up if a child becomes distressed, and signpost children to trusted adults and wellbeing spaces.

Resources to try

Puppets: Often, talking through, or to a puppet or soft toy can seem less scary than speaking about our feelings on our own. The adult can use the puppet in several ways:

• Tell a story in which the puppet has lost a loved one, and encourage the child or class to help make the puppet feel better
• The puppet can also ask questions and hears the children’s responses
• The child can be given the puppet to ‘speak through’ which may remove some feeling of vulnerability when talking about death and bereavement

Storybooks: There are many storybooks that can be read to a child or class to open up a reflective space about death. One recommendation is ‘Badger’s Parting Gifts’ by Susan Varley, which is the story of a badger who dies from old age, and the tale of how his friends remember him through objects he left behind. This could be used to discuss with children about special objects or memories that remind them of a person who they have lost.

Encourage non-verbal responses: Allow children to express feelings through drawing, play, or metaphor. These could be used to stimulate 1:1 discussion with the child after if felt appropriate.

Create a letter or card: Depending on the age and skills of the children, they could be supported to create a card or letter for someone who has died. The child could be encouraged to share how they are feeling with written prompts such as ‘I miss you’, ‘I am very sad that you died’, as well as listing favourite memories, or how they will keep their memory alive such as through enjoying a favourite meal or visiting a certain place.

Grief boxes: Children could be encouraged to make a grief box (such as filling a shoe box) or simply write ideas on paper of things that make them feel better when they are sad. It could contain a favourite small toy or blanket, a sensory toy to handle, and a list of things they like to do to help cheer themselves up such as have a hug, or play outside. The teacher could model this by creating a grief box of their own, and speak about someone they know who has died, and how it made them feel. Role modelling coping with grief, rather than hiding it, can help normalise these big feelings. 

Final message: Whether you are reading this article as a parent, carer, friend or educator, taking care of yourself while supporting a bereaved child is crucial for maintaining your own well‑being and effectiveness. Remember to take time to look after yourself too.