2.4 Tom’s story

When I chose the course, I was just sat at the computer thinking about things I’m interested in. I’m quite interested in issues with the climate crisis and green technologies. I thought, ‘I’ll have a look and see what it’s like, just give it a go.’ After the first two and half weeks, I was largely depressed at the state of the world and just kind of gave up hope on everything. Looking back now, I would happily do it again because I’ve got more of a positive point of view at the moment.

I didn’t really know what to expect. I entered it with the state of mind that it was going to be how do we fix the world’s problems as opposed to thinking where they came from in the first place. I started to look at problems around the world and just a bit of history because I didn’t really know too much about the areas that we were looking into and then I suppose I just got into a bit of a research rabbit hole.

I’d go, ‘That’s quite an interesting issue. What caused the issue?’ And before I’d know it, I’d looked at something completely different. I think that’s probably how I made myself a bit miserable. It would be nice if there were just like little warnings, so people don’t go off too much of a tangent. One thing I’ve discovered from the course is that I do quite like economics as a subject, which I’ve never thought of before.

I dug my own depressive hole, unfortunately and then I did get to the point where I was thinking, ‘What’s the point?’ You know, if there’s such big players in the world that don’t want to get involved or don’t care. I think that if you can start grassroots for change, let’s say, locally, I suppose activism – I don’t mean standing on the streets with posters and stuff – it’s more like just doing small bits in your local area and teaching the next generation to help, if the one we are currently in doesn’t take much interest. It’s how do you get people to make a change and not get too down about it all when you explain it to them and look at the larger picture.

I work alone quite a lot because I’m an engineer outside, so I have times to rationalise and think, so eventually I can calm myself down and just look at the picture from a different point of view but I like to think there has to be some solution to the bigger picture. You need everyone… You need all the people, everyone with the extreme approaches and views to have the conversation, to try and understand it.

You don’t notice your own habits until you start studying a subject. I didn’t understand with the company I work for, how much single-use waste there is that you just see people throw literally into a hedge. There’s an incredible amount of cable ties that we get through. I’ve made more of a conscious effort to separate the waste. There are some people that just mix it and I have been guilty of that in the past.

I do have an issue at the moment with the government, but I also have the guilt that I did actually vote for it, so is it my fault? It’s just self-beneficial government as opposed to a government that really cares. I know every country has their own agenda. At the end of the day, everything is only finite. There’s not unlimited money and unlimited resources, so in the end, people are in it for themselves but how do we balance it all? There has to be at some point a balance. How do we put back instead of keep taking out?

I do meditation online, a bit of self-help because therapy is expensive. I found to open up and talk about stuff, to see other people’s points of view and have a conversation, as opposed to keeping things inside, it just helps.

I think it would definitely help to look at your own actions and your impact on the world, even what we do day-to-day. You don’t feel you do much as a single person but your actions and how you speak to other people can change someone’s day entirely. For example, the park that I live near, there’s a litter bin and it has litter pickers attached. If you walk round the park, you can just pick one up. When you do feel like everything’s a bit hopeless or you don’t have much impact on the world, sometimes the smallest actions can affect somebody else. Knowing that you do matter somewhere and that you do have an effect, it does help.

I think the hardest thing was the remote learning. When you do it by yourself, you don’t always have people to talk to and if it’s a subject that you’re interested in, your friends and the people that you live with might not necessarily be interested. I don’t always talk to people on the course if there’s an online option but if there was, it would be interesting to see if it could be more interactive. It encourages you if it’s there, just a little text box, messages where you can just type to other students. They might bring up ideas that you haven’t thought of. You might have someone give you that support that you didn’t know you needed.

I think I probably took on a bit too much, thinking it wasn’t going to be as intense for a short course. I’m hoping this isn’t the last one I do. I do feel like I’ve let myself down by not seeing it through to the end.