3.1 Listening is not the same as hearing

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So I’m walking along, and my friend Dom is beside me. And he’s describing this really cool idea he has for ASG. But instead of paying attention to what he’s saying, I’m looking at posters, the really cool posters on the wall. And my phone buzzes. So I pick it up and I continue that conversation from last night. And then I turn to Dom, and he’s like, wouldn’t that be cool? And I go, wait, what would be cool?

I realised that I was not engaging with the person who was right beside me. And that was not good. And so now, in my own life, I’m trying to implement this thing called active listening. And three words come to my mind when I think of active listening. And they are be, here, now. Seize the moment. Live in this moment. Listen to the person who is right beside you.

So to do this, I put away all distractions. I shove my phone in my pocket, get rid of that poster in my head. And then I use my face and my body to convey that I’m open and interested in what this person is trying to communicate. I make eye contact with them. Now, I don’t stare them down because, let’s be honest, staring somebody down might be a little intimidating coming from someone who’s five feet tall.

So I occasionally make eye contact. I uncross my hands, unclench my fists, let them know that I’m here to listen to them. And then when they’re all done finishing up their thought, I wrap it all up. So what you’re saying is – and it gives them a chance to go, no, no, no. You got it all wrong. This is what I’m saying. And then they’ll re-explain it all over again. And I’ll go, OK, OK, so what you really mean is this. And they’ll go yes. You understand. You get it. Thank you for listening to me.

Listening is such a powerful tool. It conveys to people that you are here to listen to them, that you’re not preoccupied with something that’s distant and irrelevant. That’s for your Facebook time, you know, later when you’re chatting with your friends at 12 o’clock at night, not now, not where people are right in front of you.

And so this is what I challenge all of you to do. Put away distractions. Use your face and your body. Let them know that you’re interested in what they have to say. And, finally, provide feedback. Let them know that you were listening the whole entire time, that you were there for them. And I promise you that when you guys implement this into your own life, it will make all the difference in seizing the moment.

And just a note, it’s not easy. It’s definitely hard. It takes focus and concentration. And I still don’t listen to people sometimes. And I feel bad when I don’t do it. But when I do, it makes all the difference. Thank you for listening.

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