1.8 Why survivors stay in an abusive relationship
During your volunteering you will hear from survivors who have found it very difficult to leave an abusive relationship and you might find it difficult to understand this. There will be other cases where a survivor leaves the relationship but then re-starts the relationship. This might be when the perpetrator is brought back into the survivor’s life, possibly as a result of court proceedings such as an application for a child arrangements order.
In order to support clients during these proceedings, it is important to understand why a survivor might struggle to leave the relationship or be tempted to start the relationship again.
Activity 9
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Activity 10
Show description|Hide descriptionAn image depicting an arrow pointing to the right with the word gain on it, and an arrow pointing to the left with the word loss on it.
Think about the factors a survivor has to consider when she decides whether to leave an abusive relationship. Please complete the following table as best as you can.
| What does the survivor lose if she leaves? |  Show description|Hide descriptionAn image of Jazmin from the case study family | What does the survivor gain if she leaves? |
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Answer
This is a model answer: Your table might look like this:| What might the survivor lose if she leaves? | Show description|Hide descriptionAn image of Jazmin from the case study family | What does the survivor gain if she leaves? |
| House | Freedom |
| Children | Safety |
| Job | Children |
| Safety/Life | Security |
| Support networks | A future |
| Money | |
| Possessions | |
Looking at all of the losses and gains, what do you think a domestic abuse survivor might feel being in the middle space above? If she has been isolated, totally reliant on her partner then she potentially loses a lot by leaving. This might include a home, belongings, finances, any support systems she has in place and her peace of mind regarding her future and children. She may feel lost, desperate, totally alone, frightened, anxious for the future and unhappy.
With all of these emotions. if she believes there is a chance that the relationship might change or be different in the future (for example, because the perpetrator has told her this), she might remain in the relationship, or go back to it, until she has exhausted all hope of making the relationship work. This could explain why domestic abuse survivors find it so difficult to leave a relationship and go back to the relationship once they have left.
Give your opinion
How would you rate your understanding of domestic abuse after completing this module? Submit your answer [Tip: hold Ctrl and click a link to open it in a new tab. (Hide tip)] .
