5 Communicating and demonstrating empathy

Empathy is an emotional competence which improves communication. Matravers (2017) describes empathy as a tool for peoples’ imaginations which enables us to adopt different perspectives. Different perspectives enable understanding of how others are feeling. So, in relation to learners’ mental health, applying empathy to our communication helps us to appreciate the impact of poor mental health, how this influences learners’ lives and how it can be a catalyst for barriers to learning. In Section 3 of this week, you were introduced to the work of Carl Rogers, and it is Rogerian theory which includes empathy as a core condition of the helping relationship. Rogers theorised that listening to feelings and emotions behind words enabled effective active listening (Rogers, 1957).

Empathy is often described as the experience of walking in someone else’s shoes, having the ability to feel the aches and pains of their personal journey and listening to the feelings and emotions being expressed behind their words.

It is sometimes confused with sympathy as the words and ways we use them are similar. Both sympathy and empathy are characteristics of a supportive relationship. Sympathy tends to be more about feeling pity while empathy conveys a deeper understanding of the problems discussed in the conversation.

One of the tools for effective active listening is the empathy map, first introduced in Week 2. This model was originally created by Dave Gray and colleagues including Scott Matthews to facilitate innovation and change in business (Gray, Brown and Macanufo, 2010). Now also applied in social science settings, the empathy map involves a staged process of empathic imagining and can help you to empathise with the learner’s thoughts and feelings and experiences by imagining yourself in their place.

Here is a model empathy map: Empathy Map Canvas.

Activity 6 Communicating empathy

Timing: Allow about 20 minutes

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Trigger warning. School exclusion.

Watch the video ‘Brené Brown on empathy’ to learn more about the difference between empathetic and sympathetic conversations.

Download this video clip.Video player: pmh_1_week3_empathy.mp4

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Transcript

BRENE BROWN

So what is empathy and why is it very different than sympathy? Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection.

Empathy, it’s very interesting. Theresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar who studied professions, very diverse professions where empathy is relevant, and came up with four qualities of empathy. Perspective taking, the ability to take the perspective of another person or recognise their perspective as their truth. Staying out of judgement-- not easy when you enjoy it as much as most of us do. Recognising emotion in other people, and then communicating that.

Empathy is feeling with people. And to me, I always think of empathy as this kind of sacred space when someone’s kind of in a deep hole and they shout out from the bottom and they say, I’m stuck, it’s dark, I’m overwhelmed. And then we look and we say, hey, we climb down. I know what it’s like down here, and you’re not alone. Sympathy is, ooh. It’s bad, huh? No, you want a sandwich?

Empathy is a choice. And it’s a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling. Rarely, if ever, does an empathic response begin with at least.

I had it-- yeah. And we do it all the time because you know what? Someone just shared something with us that’s incredibly painful, and we’re trying to silver lining it. I don’t think that’s a verb, but I’m using it as one. We’re trying to put the silver lining around it. So John’s getting kicked out of school. At least Sarah is an A student.

But one of the things we do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations is we try to make things better. If I share something with you that’s very difficult, I’d rather you say, I don’t even know what to say right now. I’m just so glad you told me. Because the truth is rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.

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Select and reread two of the Case studies through an empathic lens.

Utilising the empathy map to structure your thoughts, make notes of ways in which you could empathise with the case study learners’ situations. Write a list of questions you might ask each of the case study learners. Remember the open and closed question technique learned in Activity 4.

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