3 Finding the right mentor
There are several ways to find a mentor.
Find them yourself
Evidence suggests that mentees who find their own mentor tend to have a more successful experience. You might do this by approaching an individual directly. If you choose this approach, make sure you do your homework first. Know what you want from them and what you can offer in return.
Activity 3 Who might mentor me?
Consider the goals you came up with in Activity 1. Who could best help you with those?
Start with your own network of contacts. A mentor could be anyone! Are there people at work who you could approach? Are there people outside work or within your local community? Do your friends or family know anyone who might be useful to talk to?
Think about the characteristics or experience you want to benefit from. For example, if you are thinking about starting your own business, an entrepreneur who seems to be doing well – regardless of their product or service – could offer some useful advice. Or if you want to enhance your profile within your profession – choosing someone well connected who might be prepared to introduce you to their contacts could be important. Remember, you aren’t necessarily looking for a relationship that lasts for years – it may be that a single meeting will give you what you need to move forward.
Also, try to identify people that you have something in common with. If they can remember being in your shoes, they are more likely to want to help.
In the box below, start a list of possible contacts.
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Once you’ve come up with a shortlist, rank them and then decide how you’re going to make contact. A personal introduction is always a good way to start if you have a mutual contact. Use Week 8’s next steps activity (Activity 2) to make a plan.
If you are taking this course because you want to become a mentor – having a mentor yourself will be a useful experience. You can learn from their approach and techniques – either borrowing things you think are effective, or learning from their mistakes.
When you’ve decided who you’re going to approach – it’s important to approach them in the right way. For example, sending an email that says ‘will you be my mentor’ without trying to form some kind of connection first is likely to end in disappointment.
O’Connell (2023) suggests the following process, particularly relevant when approaching a stranger without an introduction from a mutual contact:
- Don’t ask someone outright – start by engaging with them and their work. For example, you might share and comment on their updates on social media, attend events they’ll be at and start insightful conversations with them, or help to solve their problems.
- Arrange an informal chat first – ask them for a coffee, or organise a casual video call. Say you’d love to talk to them about a specific topic and have some questions ready.
- Ask them to be your mentor – set expectations about the regularity you’d like, the goals you are working towards, challenges you are facing, and explain how you believe they can help you.
- Follow up – be patient when waiting for a response and don’t be disheartened if they say no, express your gratitude for the time they’ve already spent with you.
Arranging an informal chat might seem easier said than done, but there are various ways to start the conversation. For example, you could highlight an article they have written or a topic they have commented on in a social media post, explaining that you’d be interested to discuss it further with them. Another approach might be to share that your ambition is to follow a similar career path and you would really value an opportunity to hear more about how they did it.
Through your employer
Many larger employers offer in-house mentoring schemes with formal matching processes. This process will be undertaken either by experienced staff or online matching software.
When the matching has been done by someone else, it can be more difficult to build the mentoring relationship. Refer back to Week 3 to remind yourself about building rapport and trust.
A lower maintenance option is for an organisation to hold a list of people looking for a mentor or mentee. It is the responsibility of the individual to contact potential mentors/mentees from the list to discuss the possibilities further.
Independent mentoring organisations
If you’re not currently in employment or your employer doesn’t have a scheme, there are also independent mentoring schemes available.
For example, the Coaching and Mentoring Network [Tip: hold Ctrl and click a link to open it in a new tab. (Hide tip)] lists coaches and mentors in an online directory with a keyword search. Clicking ‘submit query’ at the bottom right of the form reveals a more detailed list of search criteria.
Mentorsme.co.uk is an online provider of business mentoring, which offers a directory of mentoring services and organisations searchable geographically.
Alternatively, your professional organisation may offer a scheme that is appropriate for your specific occupation.
Now you’ve spent some time considering the mentoring relationship from the perspective of the mentee, the next section looks briefly at what is involved in becoming a mentor.