4 Case study: Jono Kitto

I developed a complex, or I developed a sort of way of viewing the world, I suppose, that in order to make people like you or love you, including, obviously, my dad, it was important to be perfect. For me, it was vital because this perfection sort of stuff was actually killing me inside and killing my mind, even in as simple terms as, I'd play rugby game, and I might have, in my coach's eyes, played an 8 or 9 out of 10-- had an absolutely stellar game. But I'd just remember the one or two points that made it an 8 or 9 that were negative, if that makes sense. That's all I'd remember. And I'd spend a week thinking about those, and what a shame that you ruined the chance to be completely perfect.

I think what helped me was looking at the players that I thought were outstanding, and then watching their games, and actually going, I think they're outstanding based on all the really good stuff they do almost in light of-- or without regarding the mistakes that they make at the same time. And there's a Michael Jordan quote, I think, that talks about basically-- I can't quote it word-for-word, so I'll paraphrase. But he basically talks about all the mistakes he's made and how much greater they were than the actual times where he got it-- did right. But he's remembered for all the times he got did right and not the ones that-- not the other hundreds of times that he actually got it wrong.

And I think there's a sense of, I suppose, grace in that, actually, perhaps, that is the way we're being judged as players. Week in, week out, it's not necessarily about every individual mistake that we're making but about the good that we're actually adding to the field as well. And it's really important that-- I had to just come to terms with the fact that I was never-- I'm never ever going to, actually, play a game that is perfect, as well as, like I said, change in mindset in terms of what I find important, where I find my worth.

I think it's been really important for me to learn about getting a balance in my life and realising that, actually, there's a lot more to me as a person than just running out into a field and playing good rugby-- that, actually, it's going to last, if I'm lucky, another 10 years-- if I'm really lucky, another 10 years. And then it'll be gone. And my worth has to be more than just in that sport because if it goes-- so if it is in rugby, and then rugby leaves because of retirement or for whatever else, then my identity leaves with it. And I feel probably back at square one-- incredibly broken, upset. But I've learned to find my worth in a lot of other areas-- and understanding that life is a lot more to life than just this game.

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