Chapter 5 Lifting the Veil of the Ego

A man came to Bayazid and said he had fasted and prayed for thirty years but knew nothing about God. Bayazid told him that even a hundred years wouldn't be enough. The man asked him why. Bayazid said, "Because your selfishness has been getting in the way of yourself and the truth."

Bayazid of Bishtamiya was one of the greatest Sufi masters. From the very beginning, his attitude was wrong. He must have been a calculating person! Otherwise, how could he have calculated how much love he had given and how much he had prayed for? "I've prayed for thirty years"—that's the rationality of a businessman. He was calculating—thirty years! So when he faced the other world, his attitude remained the same. "I've prayed so much, why hasn't anything happened?" In fact, if you truly understand the meaning of prayer, the result doesn't matter. Prayer itself is the result; its value is absolute. Simply praying is enough. Prayer is joy, it is ecstasy; entering into prayer is enough, nothing else is needed. Otherwise, you wait for the result, and prayer becomes a means to make God understand. Prayer itself is the end. Love, prayer, and meditation are all ends in themselves, not means. If you turn them into means, you miss the point. Enjoy them!

For example, you take a morning walk, enjoying the sunshine, the birth of a new day, the revival of all things after the night, and the birds hopping about. You enjoy your morning walk, and you might say every day, "I've been walking like this for thirty years, and nothing has happened." The morning walk itself is a purpose. Every walk enriches your life; it has nothing to do with your future, only with the moment you take that walk. Life is cash, not a credit card. You need to use it in this moment.

You feel happy and start singing and dancing—do you become calculating? You might think, "I've been singing and dancing for thirty years, why don't I understand God at all?" If you think like that, you're just a singing machine, not a true singer or dancer. A true dancer dances—he gains something from every moment because he is immersed in every moment. Self-awareness dies, the dancer ceases to exist, only the dance exists, without a center. It is a wave on an infinite ocean, moving, existing, disappearing. A mechanical dancer is merely copying movements. No matter how perfectly he dances, it's dead—because he's just copying movements, he's just calculating: how much he can earn…

There is a beautiful story. It happened during the life of a great Indian musician named Dhansen. In the palace, King Akbar asked him, "You are truly unparalleled, truly wondrous. But I have a question: From which master did you learn? Did he have any other disciples who surpassed you?" Dhansen replied, "My master is still alive, but he cannot enter the palace because he is like a wild animal; in fact, he does not belong to this society. He is a homeless vagrant, like the wind and the cloud, rootless in society. You cannot ask him to sing or play an instrument. He sings when he feels like it, dances when he feels like it. You must find him yourself, wait for him, and observe him." Akbar was intrigued: "Wherever he is, I will go to find him."

Dansen's master was named Haridas. Dansen first inquired about his whereabouts and learned that his master lived in a small hut by the river. King Akaba then went to visit him. The villagers told them, "Around three o'clock at night, sometimes he sings and dances; during the day he always sits quietly." So at midnight, Akaba and Dansen hid behind the hut, afraid that he would stop singing if he knew they were coming. Haridas finally began to sing and dance, and Akaba was so shocked he couldn't utter a word. He couldn't describe how beautiful it was, and he wept. When the singing stopped, he became quiet, but tears continued to fall. Upon returning to the palace, he told Dansen, "I thought no one could surpass you, but now I must say, you cannot compare to your master. Why is there such a great difference?"

Danson said, "It's very simple. I sing and play to win people's appreciation, for money, power, and status. My music is just a means to an end. I sing to get things, while my master sings and dances because of his inner self. So singing and dancing are just byproducts for him. Because the divine flows from within him, he has to sing. He is celebrating!"

Therefore, you must understand that this difference is also the difference between true love and false love. True love includes celebration. For true love, there is no afterlife; true prayer is simply celebration. It is not effort, not a means. A moment of prayer is eternity; true prayer is not calculating, every moment is a deep satisfaction. Because prayer fills you, it flows naturally. With just a moment of love, prayer, and meditation, you will be forever filled with gratitude; you will not complain.

The man who sought out Bayazid wasn't truly praying; he was simply greedy. He brought his business mindset into prayer, calculating prayer like calculating money. That's why he said he'd prayed for thirty years, yet he understood nothing of God. He will never understand God because his calculating heart hasn't changed. Remember: leave your mindset in this world; don't take it to another world, otherwise the two worlds are the same.

A man who had donated a great deal of money to charities and temples came to me. He began by talking about his generosity. He argued that when you calculate the money you donate, you haven't donated anything; you can't share. Donation isn't a gift. When you calculate, it becomes a transaction—a transaction for another world. This man was destined to one day complain, "I've donated so much money, why don't I understand God at all?"