Chapter 5 Liberation & Transformation of Sexual Energy

You crave dominance, so love is merely a sugar-coated form of politics and bitterness. You profess love, yet harbor a strong desire to exploit your partner. I'm not saying you do it intentionally or consciously—you're not that consciously aware, it's beyond your control; it's an unconscious mechanism. Therefore, deep possessiveness and jealousy become the elements of your love, making it more bitter than sweet: ninety-nine percent bitter, with only one percent of the sugar coating, which will eventually disappear. You may experience some sweetness in the early stages of a relationship, but soon the sugar coating fades, and the truth begins to surface, revealing its ugliness.

That's why countless people have decided to stop loving people. It's better to love a dog, a cat, a parrot, or even a car than a human—because you can easily control them and you'll never be controlled by them. It's simple and easy, unlike the complicated relationship with people.

There's a story that goes like this: At a cocktail party, the hostess couldn't resist eavesdropping on a gentleman's conversation.

“Oh! I admire her—I revere her!” the gentleman exclaimed.

“If she were my woman, I would do the same,” the gentleman’s friend chimed in.

"Her graceful walk, her beautiful large brown eyes, her long and confident face—"

“You’re very lucky,” his friend commented.

"But you know what really teases me? The way it nibbles my ear."

“Sir,” the hostess interjected, “I cannot resist these tender and affectionate words. In this age of so many divorces, I truly admire a man who loves his wife so deeply.”

"Wife?" the gentleman said in surprise. "No—that's the racehorse that won me the championship!"

Why do people fall in love with horses, dogs, animals, machines, and things? Because loving someone is already a miserable affair and a constant source of conflict—it's always a war of words. This is the lowest form of love.

But if you can use this lowest level of love as a stepping stone, as a form of meditation, then there is nothing wrong with it; if you can observe and try your best to understand it, just doing so can enable you to step onto another level and begin to rise.

Guide your love onto the path of meditation! Observe it: observe your cunning mind, observe your political maneuvering. And only constant observation and contemplation will help. Pay attention to what you say to your man or woman: what are the unconscious motives? Why? What is the motive? What is it? Be aware of that motive, bring it to the surface—for this is the mysterious key to transforming life: all that is conscious ceases to exist.

You are not yet aware of your own motives, which is why you are controlled by them. Let them surface, expose them to the sunlight, and they will cease to exist. Like a plant uprooted, expose its roots to the sun, and it will die, because plant roots can only live in the dark soil; your motives can only live in the darkness of the unconscious. Therefore, the only way to transform your love is to bring all motives from the unconscious to the conscious level, and those motives will slowly die.

Love without ulterior motives is the most sublime thing that can happen to a person; it is supreme and transcendent. Jesus said, "God is love," which is what he meant, but I would say: love is God. God can be forgotten, but don't forget love—because it is the purification of love that leads you to God. Forgetting God will not cause any loss, but don't forget love, because love is the bridge, love is the alchemy that transforms consciousness.

Love requires immense courage, for the simple reason that a fundamental condition of love is the transcendence of the ego; yet, people are terrified of losing themselves, which is akin to suicide, because we know nothing about ourselves except for the self. The ego becomes our sole identifier, so transcending it means abandoning our individuality. But in reality, it's quite the opposite: unless we discard the ego, we cannot know our true individuality. The ego is a counterfeit—it's something false, a fabrication, and only by transcending it can you see the truth; otherwise, the illusion continues to obscure the truth, like dark clouds blocking the sunlight.

Love requires the transcendence of self, therefore love can be the gateway to divinity. You will begin by loving someone and end with unconditional love; that person is like a window to an endless sky, but be very clear: you must sacrifice your ego. People crave love yet cling to their ego, therefore love is never realized. They come and go without tasting the nectar of love. Unless you have experienced love, you have never truly experienced life.

Q: I've always thought I was loving someone my whole life. Now, for the first time with you, I ask myself: Have I ever truly loved? Am I capable of loving? Am I capable of loving you?

Here's a fundamental fallacy: you keep thinking you're "loving someone." This is one of the most important things for everyone: their love is always directed at a specific person, has a particular object. Once you do that, you've ruined love; it's like saying, "I only breathe for you, so how can I breathe without you?"

Love should be like breathing, a quality emanating from you—wherever you are, with whomever you are, even alone, love should constantly radiate from you. It's not about who you love—it's about being love. The experience of love is frustrating, not because love itself is flawed, but because people narrow their focus on love, thus failing to encompass its vastness; because it's not a small stream, it cannot contain your entire being. Love is your whole being; love is your divinity.

Therefore, we should consider whether a person is "full of love," not whether there is an "object of love." Love your wife when you are with her; love your children when you are with your children; love your servants when you are with your servants; love your friends when you are with your friends; love the plants when you are with the plants; love the sea when you are with the sea. You are love.

Being with me means you don't need to think about "the problem of loving me," otherwise you haven't escaped the fallacy of habit. Here you only need to learn to love; and of course, your love will extend to me and others. It will be an atmosphere emanating from you. If many people simply spread their love, their songs, their ecstasy, that place will become a temple—this is the only way to build a temple. It will be filled with a new energy, and no one will feel frustrated—because so much love has been showered upon you: everyone is showered with the love of so many people.

Discard that misconception; life is merely a precious opportunity for love to blossom. You have the chance if you are alive—even if you have only your last breath. You may have missed a lifetime, and life may only have a final moment left, but if you can become love, you have lost nothing—for a moment of love is eternal love.

Q: A few days ago you said that we are born alone, live alone, and die alone. But from birth, everyone seems to be seeking connection with others, especially intimate relationships with someone, in everything they do. Could you comment on that?

This is a problem that everyone faces. We are born alone, live alone, and die alone; solitude is our very essence, yet we lack this awareness, and thus we are strangers to ourselves. Solitude is immeasurable beauty and joy, tranquility and peace, a peaceful coexistence with heaven and earth, but we misunderstand it as loneliness.

Loneliness is a misunderstood form of solitude. Once solitude is mistaken for loneliness, the context changes drastically. Solitude possesses a beauty and solemnity; it is positive. Loneliness, on the other hand, is barren, negative, pessimistic, and gloomy. Everyone avoids loneliness like the plague; it's like a painful wound. The only way to escape it is to be among people, to become a part of society, to have friends, a family, a spouse, and children. Being among people can at least help you forget loneliness.

But no one has ever truly forgotten. It's natural for you; you can ignore it, but you can't forget it, and it will reappear. And the problem becomes more complex because you haven't truly seen it, taking your solitary arrival into the world for granted. In the dictionary, loneliness and solitude have the same meaning, revealing the lexicon's mindset—they fundamentally misunderstand that loneliness and solitude are completely different. Loneliness is a void and an incompleteness, something that needs to be filled but can never be truly filled, because it's fundamentally a misunderstanding.

The older you get, the bigger that void becomes. People are afraid of being alone, which is why they do all sorts of foolish things. I've seen people play poker alone without an opponent; they've invented ways to play a two-player card game by themselves. People keep busy in various ways—perhaps busy being with people, perhaps busy working…workaholics dread the weekend—what are they going to do then? To be left with nothing but themselves is the most painful experience.

A common and surprising scene on weekends around the world is this: the roads are teeming with cars, people rushing to resorts, beaches, and summer retreats, sometimes taking eight to ten hours to reach their destinations. Yet, they seem stuck, because everyone else has arrived, making their homes, neighborhoods, and cities far quieter than the beaches. Everyone's on vacation, but some people are busy again… playing cards, chess, watching TV for hours. In America, the average person watches five hours of television a day; some listen to the radio… as long as they don't have to face themselves. All leisure activities have only one reason—don't want to be alone, it's awful! But this idea comes from others; who told you that being alone is awful?

Those who have truly grasped the meaning of solitude have a completely different perspective. They say the beauty, peace, and joy of being alone are unparalleled. But you listen to the masses. The vast majority of people live in misunderstanding—who cares about Zarathustra or Buddha? So these individuals who believe in solitude might be wrong; they might be deluding themselves. It's impossible that millions of people are all wrong, that everyone agrees that solitude is the worst experience in life, that it's hell.

All relationships are formed out of fear, the pain of solitude, and dissatisfaction, thus fundamentally poisoning the relationship. If you don't love your woman, you only use her to escape loneliness; if your woman doesn't love you either, she's using you to escape loneliness based on the same obsession. Naturally, anything can happen in the name of love, except love itself. Despite the conflict and arguments, it's still better than loneliness: at least there's someone keeping you busy enough to forget your loneliness. Then love is impossible because the foundation of love is missing. Love is never born of fear.

As you grow up and fall in love, you might think, "Perhaps we're a match made in heaven." But there's no such thing as a match made in heaven. Why are you attracted to a particular person? It's because of your own imprint; the other person must have some similarities to your father or mother. Of course, no woman can be exactly like your mother. Regardless, you're looking for a wife, not a mother, but your inner imprint determines who the right person is; once that woman appears, you'll be instantly attracted to her, without even realizing it. Your inner imprint immediately kicks in, making you believe that this is the woman or man you've been searching for.

Occasionally bumping into someone of the opposite sex at the beach, in a movie theater, or in a garden is fine, because you know nothing about each other. But when you want to get married and yearn for a life together, this is precisely the most dangerous step for lovers. Marriage will make you begin to see everything about the other person, and often you'll be surprised—"There must be a mistake, this isn't the woman or the man I knew"—because they can't fit your inner type. And the trouble doesn't stop there, because the woman also models herself after her father—which you don't; you model yourself after your mother—which she doesn't either. This is why marriages almost always fail.

All this effort—whether in relationships or busy with other things—is merely an escape from the thought that you are lonely. But I want you to understand clearly that this is the difference between a meditator and an ordinary person. An ordinary person constantly tries to forget their loneliness, while a meditator becomes increasingly familiar with their solitude; before, they would leave the world, go to caves, mountains, and forests, simply to be alone, to find out who they are—something difficult in a bustling crowd. Those who have realized their solitude have realized the supreme joy of humanity—because your very existence is joy.

Once you are in harmony with your own solitude, you can connect with others, and these relationships will bring you great joy because they are not born of fear. Returning to solitude allows you to create; you can participate in everything as you please, because this participation is no longer about escaping yourself, but about expressing yourself and revealing your full potential. Whether living in solitude or in a group, whether married or not, makes no difference to him—only such a person will always be in joy, peace, and tranquility. His life is song, blossoming, and fragrance; everything he does brings fragrance.

But first and foremost, you must fully understand your solitude. The ability to escape oneself is learned from the masses, because everyone is escaping, so you begin to escape too. Every infant is born into the masses, and upon approaching them, he does what others do; he is just as unfortunate as everyone else, believing that life is simply like this, completely missing out on life.

Therefore, I remind you not to mistake solitude for loneliness. Loneliness is always unhealthy, while solitude is perfectly healthy. Like when Chisper went to the doctor. "Bite! You're sick." — "Not detailed enough, anything else?" "Okay," said the doctor, "and you're quite ugly!" We keep repeating the same misunderstanding.

I want you to know that the most important thing in discovering the meaning of life is to enter your own solitude, which is your temple, where your God dwells, and it is not elsewhere, even though you can continue to land on the moon, Mars... Once you enter the deepest core of your being, you will not believe it: you have so much joy, happiness, love... yet you have been running away from these treasures.