Chapter 6 The Truth of Relationship

The essence of trust is this complete acceptance and openness, which gives freedom the highest respect. Love is the full capacity to know the truth, to know all her flaws, and still to love her. Love is an immense power. When you are with a man or woman twenty-four hours a day—you know all his flaws: all the good, the beautiful, and all the ugly. All the light, the dark. You know the whole person. Love is strong enough to love another, knowing all his flaws, limitations, faults, all human tendencies. Love is a completely different dimension, falling in love with reality. Yes, reality has flaws, but these flaws are challenges to growth. Every flaw is a challenge to transcend. When two people truly love each other, they help each other grow. They observe each other closely. They become mirrors to each other. They reflect each other. They help each other. They possess each other. In good times, in bad times, in joy, in sorrow. They are together, they are connected—that's why there is connection everywhere. If I'm only with you when you're happy and not with you when you're unhappy, there is no connection, that's exploitation. If I'm only with you when things are going well, and not with you when things aren't—then I haven't been with you at all. That means I don't love you; I only love myself, only my own joy. "When you're happy, fine. When you're in pain, I'll leave you"—that's not love, not connection, not a promise. That's not respect for others.

Therefore, trust is not a conditional contract; it is not a control that ensures the other party will not change. Trust is seeing and embracing reality as it is. A real woman is dangerous. A real woman is only pleasing from afar. Approach her, and she is a real woman. She is no longer an angel, no longer a fiction. Her reality is beyond imagination. When a woman approaches you, not only is she real, but she brings you down from your ivory tower to the ground . In every culture of the world, woman is depicted as the earth, and man as the sky. Woman is the realm of the earth; she is drawn to it. She is more worldly, more practical, more pragmatic than man. That is why you cannot find a great female poet, painter, or composer. No, they rarely fly in the sky. They cling to the earth; they penetrate it with their roots, standing there like trees. Men are more like birds. When a man marries, a woman brings him down to earth. To the real world. Poets do not like marriage; they want to leave behind love, they do not want to cure lovesickness. But true trust is about accepting this "bringing to earth" process, embracing reality rather than indulging in fantasy. If you truly love a woman, you will enjoy knowing her truth rather than her fiction, because love can only exist with truth.

In therapy, love is the best therapy. At the heart of this therapy lies a trusting relationship and an atmosphere of love. Technique is merely an aid; true healing comes from trust.

This is the healing process: from indifference, pain, or distorted relationships, through trust and love, towards friendship, reverence, and prayer, ultimately achieving inner integration and healing. Loving other wives is easy. Because she encounters reality, you enjoy the illusion. It's a good separation from trouble. But this is inhumane; human love is a great encounter. How to unite the outer woman with my inner woman. Don't think about that "how"; if love is there, it will happen. Love is not a "how," love doesn't know how. Just as love needs no reason, just as love is accompanied by respect and awe. Just as with love: seeing another person not as a body, but as a soul. Seeing that person not as a thought, but as no-thought. If you can see no-thought within your woman, you will be able to easily discover the woman within you. Then the outer woman is merely a medium: through the outer woman, via the outer woman, you will be thrown back into your inner woman. But if the outer woman is merely a body, then you are hindered. If the outer woman is precisely a soul, a vacuum, like a zero, like a channel—then nothing hinders you. Your energy will shift back, you will enter, and you will discover the woman within yourself. Every woman and man can be helped from the outside to discover their inner woman and inner man. But there is no "how" to it. Respect is needed; think of it from this perspective, meditate with the divinity of the other. The other is divine, sacred. Let this concept succeed, let this atmosphere surround you. It will happen; it is near.

When a therapeutic relationship is filled with this trust and sacred regard, healing happens naturally. People who love others are elevated by one another—in every way. Lovers reach the peak of joy when they are together. But when they are together, they also descend into the deepest valleys of sorrow. They can amplify joy and sorrow so greatly—that is love. Alone, if you cry, your tears are not so deep. Have you ever seen it? Crying alone is shallow. When you cry with others, it is very deep. A new dimension comes into your tears. Alone, you can laugh, but your laughter is shallow. In fact, it would be foolish—only a madman laughs alone. When you laugh with others, it is deep, it is normal. Alone, you can laugh, but the laughter doesn't become very deep, it can't continue. Together, it reaches the very deep core of your life. In a trusting relationship, sharing joy and sorrow is itself profound healing. Technology is merely an aid used to establish and maintain this atmosphere of love .