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The early days of pregnancy and new parenthood are often described as joyful, hopeful, and life affirming (Doss & Rhoades, 2017). A new baby can represent so many things, such as love, connection, and even a fresh start. Yet for many parents, this period also brings fear, confusion, and emotional upheaval that they never expected, and often feel unable to talk about. One parent described this period as:

'After having my first born, I felt like I was mentally trapped in a glass box. I could see the world around me and this beautiful family I desperately wanted to be part of, but I couldn’t. The thoughts and voices kept me trapped and isolated.'

For some parents, thoughts can feel overwhelming, frightening, or out of control. Others may hear voices, experience intrusive images, or feel watched or followed. These experiences are deeply distressing, and parents who experience them describe powerful fears: What if I tell someone and they think I’m a bad parent? What if my baby is taken away? What if my partner leaves? This fear can keep people silent at the very moment they need support the most.

Mental health difficulties during pregnancy and the first two years after birth are far more common than many realise. The Royal College of Midwifery (2024) suggests that around one in four mothers experience mental health problems during this time, including anxiety, depression, obsessive thoughts, post traumatic stress and, in rare cases, postpartum psychosis. Research consistently shows that many parents hide or minimise how unwell they feel, often because of shame or fear of judgement (Biggs et al., 2023). 

One parent explains that:'Often mothers put their own needs below everyone else, despite the seriousness of their difficulties. These struggles should not be ignored as this can have a serious detriment to a mother’s mental health.'  

These experiences are not to be seen as a personal failure. They are not a sign of weakness or poor parenting. They are a human response to a period of enormous physical, emotional, and psychological change.

Becoming a parent is a profound transition (Refaeli et al., 2024). There is no manual or instruction book, and no single ‘right’ way to feel. Parents are often adapting to sleeplessness, increased responsibility, identity change, financial pressures and constant uncertainty, all while caring for a completely dependent infant. For some, this adjustment can be deeply unsettling. Parents who experience distress often describe feeling disconnected from themselves and others. Thoughts may not feel like their own. Everyday objects or sounds can become frightening. The world can feel unsafe or unreal.

If you are concerned about yourself, or about someone you care about, trust that concern. You don’t need the ‘right words’ or a diagnosis to ask for help. You can say: ‘I’m not feeling like myself’, ‘They are not acting like themselves’, or ‘I’m struggling more than I expected.’ That is enough.

When support is given and parents are listened to and believed, coping with the changes and moving to recovery is much more likely. Trusted support can take many forms: talking to a midwife or GP, accessing a specialist perinatal mental health service, or connecting with peer support from others who truly understand. Many parents say the most important first step was simply being heard without judgement.

Support services are there to help families stay together, not to punish or separate them. Asking for help is an act of protection for both parent and baby.

No parent should feel trapped in silence. With understanding, compassion, and the right support, parents can move from fear and isolation towards connection, safety, and hope.

Where to find support:

• GP or midwife – a safe first step
• Local Perinatal Mental Health Services (self referral or professional referral)
• Peer support organisations, such as local service Connected (available in Derby) and UK-wide partnership, Hearts & Minds.

NB We use the terms women and mothers in this article because they are familiar to many readers. We also recognise that not everyone who becomes pregnant or gives birth identifies as a woman.

This article includes contributions from parents with lived experience, professionals from a perinatal mental health service, academics from Nursing, Social Work and Early Years across two Universities, including:

• Megan Harrison: Mother of 3 with lived experience of postnatal depression, 7 years on I am still recovering with the help of family and professional services. Finding the light.