7.1 Better listening
Here you revisit the career mentoring discussion. Now in Video 9 you will see how the situation has a completely different complexion once the mentor applies his active listening skills. Now, the listener reflects back what he has heard and allows the other person to determine where the conversation goes.
The listener also checks for understanding which will reinforce not only that the person is being listened to, but also provide them with reassurance that what they are saying is worth listening to by others. A little bit of active listening goes a long way to completely changing the interaction.
Watch the video now.
Download this video clip.Video player: Video 9
Transcript: Video 9
FEMALE SPEAKER
So as we discussed previously, I'm at a career crossroads now, and I really need to think about what direction to go in. I can stay where I am now and just progress in that area of project management, or I can start to do something quite different, actually, which is to lead the people of a team, and eventually have my own team. Which is something that I find myself being more interested in lately.
MALE SPEAKER
OK, so it sounds like you've done quite a bit of thinking on this, and you've got a bit of clarity about the options. And it sounds at this stage as if you're beginning to favour the people management option.
FEMALE SPEAKER
I think I am. I do favour that, and I find it exciting, the thought of a new challenge. I do know, though, that I don't have the requisite qualifications. And also I am a bit worried that my manager might think that, I don't know, I've got delusions of grandeur or something by thinking I can have my own team already.
MALE SPEAKER
So if I can just check my understanding of that, it sounds on the one hand that you have that excitement and that you're relishing a bit of challenge.
FEMALE SPEAKER
Yes, yes.
MALE SPEAKER
But I think I also heard maybe an assumption that you might be making that says something like, maybe I'm not sufficiently qualified for this stage.
FEMALE SPEAKER
That's right. Yes, yes, I think you're right. Am I being too ambitious? Will my manager think that I am - I don't know, deluding myself that I'm capable of this? I do think that I am good with people, though, and I have managed projects with people on them. And I have enjoyed it, and I have had good feedback.
MALE SPEAKER
Hm, so you're questioning yourself a bit about this...
FEMALE SPEAKER
Yes.
MALE SPEAKER
...by the sound of it. And you're also concerned a little about what your manager in particular might be thinking about you.
FEMALE SPEAKER
Yes.
MALE SPEAKER
But I keep hearing your enthusiasm. In fact, I can hear it in your voice, actually.
FEMALE SPEAKER
Really?
MALE SPEAKER
I can hear your enthusiasm for people and managing people.
FEMALE SPEAKER
Yes, I am. In my heart, I know that that is what I want to do.
MALE SPEAKER
In your heart?
FEMALE SPEAKER
Yes, I do want to do that. And I've been thinking about it for some time, and I've kept putting it off. But it's interesting you say that I look enthusiastic, because I do genuinely feel very keen to do that.
MALE SPEAKER
Yeah. Your voice had more energy and your face had more animation when you were talking about it. It came through.
FEMALE SPEAKER
Yes, yes. I just need to figure out what the next steps are, really, and to feel more confident that it's not a silly thing to pursue.
MALE SPEAKER
OK, so bottom line here, in terms of what we seem to be talking about, is be confident you're making the right decision for yourself, and then thinking through what the plan is to go to there.
FEMALE SPEAKER
Absolutely. That is what I need to do, and not to worry so much about what other people think about that decision.
MALE SPEAKER
OK. So as part of our conversation, I guess, is about thinking about how you could be confident, and not worry about what other people think.
FEMALE SPEAKER
I think that's exactly it.
MALE SPEAKER
OK.
FEMALE SPEAKER
Hm.
Video 9
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Coaching interactions like this, in which there is a genuine attempt to listen to and support, are the basis for authentic coach developer relationships.